Evil temptress
by Shelly Webster
Summary: Josi and Penelope meet again under very unusual circumstances. There are a lot of suppressed emotions, desires and things left unsaid. I am making changes to the story. If you prefer the original one. I will put it up again.
1. Chapter 1

At the age of twenty seven, Josie was pretty happy with her life. She was teaching English in a high school, she was seeing a nice man she just started living with. Lizzie and her parents were off her back because Lizzie just got married and she was (again) more interesting than her was so she had space to breath and she went back to being invisible. That was the space she functioned best at. She had a normal life. She was dating a human who had no idea about her being a witch; she had a normal work and normal life problems. She didn't miss fighting monsters, family curse hanging over their heads and she loved that her biggest problem now was could she and Peter take vacation at the same time or if they had enough milk and OJ for breakfast next morning. She didn't really feel comfortable anymore in a supernatural world since she and Lizzie avoided the merge, so she stopped using her power completely. Sometimes she wondered if she could still do magic, but that idea left her very fast.

She met Peter in a bank. They were standing in line and started chatting. He was pleasant and very cute. After waiting in such a long line, they went for coffee and after that things were running smooth. They dated for two years before he suggested she moves in with him into a house he inherited from his grandparents. It was in a nice and quiet part of New York and she didn't mind living there. It was not that far from her school and she loved the idea of having a house. It reminded her of what she believed family was. She was sure that after some time living together topic of children and marriage would come up, but she didn't mind it. Peter was nice enough for her to marry him and have family with. He did seem like dad type. She watched him with his friends' children. He was always favorite uncle Peete and kids were crazy about him. .He had a job in IT company and he was all the normal Josie needed. He was not a computer geek, he was part of HR team in charge of conducting interviews and organizing team buildings. She liked Peter. He was funny and he had so much positive energy when they met. They had amazing relationship, but there was just one thing ruining the perfect picture. They had problems in bedroom. He noticed that Josie was not that into him and now he had some concerns. He believed now was their time to want each other like crazy. They had no kids, no pets…and all the attention should be focused on them. To be clear, he was not some sex addict, but he found it strange that their friends with children had more sex than they did. He found a sex therapist and booked an appointment. He wanted to know if there was something he was doing wrong and if there is something he should be doing in a different way. Woman he spoke with was in her fifties and she listened to him without changing her facial expression. When he was done she just made sour face and put her pent down.

''Peter, your problem is very, very simple and I don't realize how you still didn't understand the problem. Listen to me now, she is not into you… That is the problem. Your girlfriend is not attracted to you. She cares about you, she is probably comfortable with you, but she is not into you… You are at the stage that people get into after thirty or forty years together. You don't need the physical side because you've built the life together, have home together…and it's more a friendship than lovers relationship. Leave that relationship before you waste each other's time.''

He left dr. Brown's practice with a decision to seek someone else's opinion. He was not ready to face the fact that Josie didn't see him the same way he saw her. She had no reasons not to be attracted to him. He was young, good looking, he had manners, and he was clean… He was dream come true in many ways… and yet his girlfriend would rather watch Netflix in bed than have sex. He tried pretty much everything he could think of. He took her to romantic dinners, weekend getaways and every time he was under impression that she was having sex with him just because he wanted it and she felt it would be bad to tell him no again.

Josie struggled with it also. She really cared about him and she believed he would be amazing husband and father someday when the time comes . He was someone she could lean on and she could trust him not to hurt her. She was sure that he would be there for her and family they would create and she was really into all that. Since her parents spent most of her life absent in so many ways, she wanted someone who would be there for her and the kids. That is why Peter was a perfect person for her… aside from the fact that there was zero sexual chemistry from her side. Every time they had sex, she did it because of him…imagining someone else. She would close her eyes and imagine she was in bed with the only person she shouldn't be thinking of…Penelope Park. Yes, that demon from the past still haunted her thoughts, especially dirty ones. Yes, there were other people after her. Yes, there were other men, Lizzie and her mom knew of and other women they never found out about….but Penelope Park remained in her mind as the best lover she ever hat…and that was ridiculous… They were kids when they were sleeping together, and yet… That girl knew what she was doing and diddn't fear to get down and dirty to explore what they could do and what she could do to Josie… Still thinking of her made Josie feel all sorts of things. Sometimes she would think about what became of Penelope Park and if she was still so hot and sexy. She would imagine her as a doctor, sexy bartender covered in tattoos, Mob boss…a lot of things. Then she would go back to reality and see Peter by her side who was really trying to make her happy and to get her in a mood. He was amazing, but sex with him felt wrong, sort of like doing him a favor. Since they started dating, she really didn't think of sex and wanting to have it. And it was killing her to see how much he wanted her and she didn't feel the same. She tried talking to some of her friends from work about it and all of them said the same thing. _Girl, you are not into him._ She didn't want to accept it. He was perfect of her in every aspect, but sex. After few months of very weird moments in the bedroom, Peter finally suggested they visit a sex therapist together.

Josie was resistant at first, but she noticed how important it was to him so she accepted to go.

Before the session they had coffee close to the practice where they were going.

''So, what can you tell me about this doctor we are about to see?''

''I heard she is good and she helped a lot of people.''

''Oh, so it's a she?''

''Yes, and I heard she is very hot. I guess that is sort of incentive to work on the sex life?''

''But we are not having sex with her…''

''No, no… But, imagine having some old person as a therapist? It would be weird.''

''Instead we have hot one…''

Peter smiled and kissed her.

''Yes… Maybe seeing her gets us in the mood?''

Josie just gave him a look and choose to ignore the comment.

''What is her name?''

''Doctor Park…''

Josie felt sting in her stomach. She could easily imagine Penelope being a sex therapist… In a way, she was that for Josie.

''What is her name?''

''I don't know… I just know her last name. My boss and his wife went to see her. Let me tell you. She did miracles for them. Now they are like two teens.''

Josie knew his boss. He was in his fifties and his wife was few years younger. Imagining them going at it like crazy was not what Josie wanted. They were…her parent's age…well, her dad's.''

''Ok…That is TMI. I so don't want to imagine them doing it.''

''I agree.''

They got in the office and the secretary welcomed them.

''Dr. Park will be there in a moment. Come in.''

They got into the office and Josie looked around. It had amazing view, everything was dark wood and leather and there were a lot of candles, interesting paintings, bookshelves around and a shelf with all sort of toys…sex toys…Josie felt embarrassed. Now reality of the place where they were sort of smacked her in the face. There was not backing down now. She noticed how Peter looked around in curiosity and how much interest he showed looking at the very risqué pictures on the walls. It was a naked female body, but it was not vulgar, but very erotic and hot. Something about it looked familiar to Josie… Like she touched that skin…and knows that body. Josie heard clicking of the heels and she felt sick. It could be only one person. She knew that walk and that rhythm of clicking. Door opened and she could feel the perfume she knew too well. It was only matter of seconds when she would see her worst nightmare and biggest desire.

''I am Dr. Park and I will be…''

Josie lifted her gaze and was faced first with black Louboutin's, tight black dress that was up to Penelope's knees and then her green eyes that looked at her in surprise over black rimmed glasses.

Before Josie and Penelope could say anything to each other, Peter spoke.

''Hello, Dr. Park.…''Penelope had to cover up her surprise and shock.

''What are you doing here? I mean, how can I help you?''

Josie spoke too fast.

''My fiancée wanted us to see therapist and your name was dropped so he made an appointment with you Dr. Park. Some of Peter's friends said you did wonders for them and it looks like we need it too.''

''Oh, ok… Tell me something about yourselves.''

''I am Peter Pearson… As she said, I am her finance...''

He had no idea why she said it, but he choose to go with it. Maybe Josie believed Dr. Park wouldn't take them seriously if they said boyfriend/ girlfriend. Fiancée sounded better, more ''committed.''…like they are in for a long ride.

Penelope was taking notes and watching them.

''So, let's start…. What brings you here?''

''We have problems in the bedroom.''

Josie didn't want to do it anyway, and now having Penelope as a therapist she really didn't want to do it. Penelope wrote it down and lifted her gaze from the pad.

''What sort of problem?''

There was moment of silence. Like both Josie and Peter were waiting for the other one to say it. None of them knew the right way to articulate the problem without insulting the other party.

''I don't think she is enjoying sex…''

Penelope was surprised. That was not Josie she remembered. She tried to keep her face neutral and kept taking notes.

''Why do you say that?''

''She can't… You know…finish…And she doesn't seem interested in sex.''

''Many women can't…''

''But it never happened to me before her.''

Oh, how many times she heard that same line from men sitting on the same sofa Josie and this man were. If she had a dollar for every time she heard it…she would be even richer than she is now.

''Maybe they faked it? Many women fake orgasms to make their men feel better. And what do you mean when you say she ''doesn't seem interested?'' How do you mean? What does she do or doesn't do for that matter?''

It looked as Peter was not listening to her. He was deep in his thoughts.

''Do you fake too Dr. Park? I am sorry if I am being inappropriate…but you sort of…planted a weird seed in my mind.''

''It's ok. I guess it's ok to get question like that after what I said. I mean, we are here to talk about sex so I guess it's ok for you to be curious.''

Peter just nodded.

'' I never had a need to. Most of my partners knew what they were doing and we always had crazy sexual chemistry. When someone didn't get me thee, I would simply end things… But that's me… I put a lot on sexual chemistry and attraction. Some people don't think it matters and they tend to stay with partners they share emotional connection and they…hmm…put up with sex. It's not that important to them if they have emotional connection and could see the future with someone. I am not that sort of person. I am pretty much a slave to my sex drive… I go after sexual chemistry… To me it is very important part of relationship…Sometimes it was all I had with some of my partners... Out of sex we were disaster, but when it came to sex, things were amazing.''

''Lucky you…''

''I think so too.''

Josie just looked at her.

''And what about love?''

''When I loved someone, I was lucky to have both sexual chemistry and feelings involved… So, I don't necessarily separate that two… But that's me… I was lucky to be in love with people who gave me all I needed… There were feelings and there was passion, attraction and crazy sexual chemistry.''

She winked at them and Peter blushed. Josie just rolled her eyes at her. _Was she flirting with her fiancée?_

''But back to you and Josie… What else can you tell me?''

''What do you want to know?''

''How long have you been together?''

''Few years… We have been living together for about two years now.''

''And when the ''problem'' appeared?''

They were silent… Penelope had wild guess what the answer would be. By watching Josie and Peter, she was pretty sure two of them never clicked there.

''I think it was there from the start.''

''Hmm…''

Josie was getting nervous.

''What does that ''hmm'' means ?''

''It means that there can be a lot of reasons for that…''

Peter looked at Josie and doctor and felt some tension. He felt like Josie was not comfortable.

''And what do we do Dr. Park?''

''Well, it's different for each couple. Some of them lose the spark they had and we try to find a way to get it back. Sometimes it's with sexy outfits, getaways. Some people just sleep naked beside their partners and during the night when they meet in their sleep, some things tend to happen…''

She winked at them.

'' That feeling of having your loved one beside you and that skin on skin moment does the trick to some people. Touching also. Sex is what comes in the end. Start with small things… Like casual touches… random kisses… Kiss and touch each other when you feel like it. When you watch a movie or pass each other in the house… and sex will come…Desire will come at some point…if there is attraction, you will get the spark back.''

She gave Josie a very meaningful look. Josie knew Penelope knew she didn't want him…She was not really attracted to him and she hated her for it. Now she had an urge to use her magic again and burn the bitch like that night.

''I am sure you both spoke to your friends about this and I am also sure I am not your first station to talk about this issue you have. I am also sure that your friends gave you so many different answers that you have no idea what to do. To be clear, all of them are correct… But all of those answers are things that worked for your friends…or someone they know. It is right to experiment sexually with toys, roleplays, it's ok to add other people to the relationship too.''

Peter was not sure he heard right.

''Other people?''

''Yes, some people fix their relationship by having a shared lover where three of them have sex together or one person watches other two. BUT the trick there is to be aware that whatever sexually happens, happens in threes, not one of you with the third person… And most importantly in that case… no personal relationship should be formed with the third party. Unless you want to be a polyamorous couple…but that is completely different conversation.''

''And this works?''

''For some… But there are others who find it hard to divide attention in bed or it also happens that one of the members of the original couple gets jealous that their partner responds better to the third person.''

Josie hated how intrigued she was by things Penelope was saying.

''And why does that happen?''

''There are many reasons. Sometimes it happens because that third party finds the way to push some buttons your partner never knew you had. Sometimes it happens, because it's exciting. You are doing something forbidden…''

''Forbidden?''

''Yes… You are not supposed to have sex with someone else… You are in a committed relationship. That means that you are exclusive in having sex with only one person and that's the one you are with. And letting someone else touch you and have sex with you, means braking all the rules. And in doing that, there is some excitement. Like when you were a kid and doing something forbidden behind your parent's back. You remember that… Staying awake past your bed time, snaking out to go to the party, getting drunk before you were of legal age… having sex for the first time… all those things that were prohibited. And to all that now you add the fact that you are not supposed to have sex in front of your partner. That is the key to some people. Some people get turned on by the ''danger'' of the situation. Some people do it… Like…hm… You start having sex with someone and Peter watches from the closet or bathroom and comes to bed and participates at some point when you want him to or he feels is his time to join. People do a lot of things in bedroom to keep it hot and spicy.''

Penelope noticed that Peter was getting turned on by this conversation and Josie was somewhere between turned on and extremely uncomfortable. And that's where Penelope always loved having her. She loved getting Josie out of her comfort zone.

''What do you recommend Dr. Park?''

''I don't know you enough to tell you what would my advice be…and I don't know how opened you would be and what for.''

''What do you mean?''

''Peter, do you trust Josie enough to let third person in your bed? Or to go to the swinger party? Or to hire a prostitute for a night?''

''A prostitute? A woman?''

''You are saying you never had a fantasy about having sex with two girls? Or watching them do things to each other?''

Peter blushed.

''I did… But… She is my…She is not some random girl… I don't want to disrespect her like that.''

''And are you sure she would be disrespected? What is disrespectful in that action? She is doing that to please you?''

''I don't think she would do anything like that…''

''Do you know what her fantasies are? Sometimes we fantasize about things that would make our partners happy…Those things might not be our first choice, but we do them and think about them for the people we love.''

''I don't know… But… I think… Certainly not a girl…She is not into that…''

Josie looked at the floor and Penelope smirked at the sight of the couple in front of her.

''I see…''

''What do you see?''

''I see what your problem is… You have no idea who you are with…''

''What do you mean?''

''Did you ever ask what she wants or fantasizes of?''

''She doesn't do that…''

''Everyone does.''

''So, you think a woman in our bed would solve the problem…''

 _Her problem at least. She'd have first orgasm in years and you would pick up a trick or two_.

Peter was getting smug…

''Are you offering Dr. Park?''

''Well, I don't have practice of sleeping with my clients…but I can refer you to some of therapists who do. And I don't think me being a surrogate partner would solve your problem. I am a woman and you are a man… So, her surrogate partner should be a man, and that's not what I am.''

Peter was really pushing it. Penelope found it curious how Josie was surprised by his reactions. She apparently didn't know this side of him.

''But would you do it?''

''You keep forgetting something very important.''

''What is that Dr. Park?''

Penelope pointed at Josie with her pen.

''Her…''

Now attention was on Josie who was looking at the floor wishing she was somewhere else…very far away from both Penelope and Peter.

''You have to ask your girlfriend… pardon finance if she wants to sleep with me or anyone else for that matter… before you offer that option? Don't you? You are here as a couple… And that means that if third person is being added to the mix, it should be decision of the both sides… So, before you make that offer…not just to me, but to anyone… Make sure she wants it…''

With that Penelope closed her pad and took off her glasses.

''I think we are done for today… Now, go home and have a long talk about what is that you want in your life and out of this therapy… My secretary will see you out…''

She got up from her chair and looked at Josie.

''In case you decide not to come back….it was pleasure seeing you. Have a nice day.''

She offered her had to Josie and Peter. Peter shook it first and after him Josie simply had to. Penelope noticed her hesitation and she also noticed that when they touched that feeling of being electrocuted was back. Josie just looked at her and Penelope smirked. _They still had it…_


	2. Chapter 2

Josie and her fiancée were her last patients for the day. She informed her secretary that they were done and that she could go home. She didn't have anyone call to ask if she can squeeze them in and she was glad for that. She was ready to go home. Seeing Josie was a surprise to her and she never expected to see the other woman in this setting.

Ride home took too short for her. She was lost in her thoughts and memories of Josie. She wondered what happened to her and why did she tie herself to a man she is not attracted to. She had few guesses. She was sure that the man was loved by the family and that made Josie reluctant to leave. She hated answering questions why she did or didn't do anything and her family could be a pit pushy when it came to her.

Penelope got home and went straight to her bedroom. She took off her dress, shoes and took a long shower. She needed to wash the day away and simply chill. She put on her black silk robe and went to the kitchen. Her bottle of read was already cold enough for her evening glass and she poured it with anticipation and pleasure. She loved that brand and that year. Her Upper Eastside penthouse gave her beautiful view and was the best thing that came out of her marriage. It has been six months since it happened and she didn't think of Oliver that often anymore. His disappearance stirred a lot of emotions inside of her, but now she finally knew how she felt about it. She still remembered the day police came to her door.

 _It was six in the afternoon and she just came back from the office. Mrs. Luka, the housekeeper, let her in and she was crying._

'' _Mrs. Jordan, police is here to see you…It's about Mr. Jordan.''_

 _Penelope entered the living room and saw her sister in law, her husband, Oliver's son and ex-wife siting in the living room with detectives._

'' _How can I help you?''_

 _One of them looked at her trying to figure out who she was._

'' _And you are?''_

'' _I am Mrs. Jordan… Oliver's wife.''_

 _She saw surprise on the face of detectives and faces Oliver's sister and ex-wife made at her comment. Detective looked between her and former wife. No one told him that there was another wife involved. He had no idea Mr. Jordan and Mrs. Jordan he spoke to were not married anymore. Oliver's sister presented that woman as wife to him. He couldn't have known. He was not into gossip magazines and he was not sure if the new Mrs. showed up in any of them. She was stunning and he would have remembered her._

'' _You are in my home for a reason detective. Please tell me what happened?''_

'' _We got the news that your husband and his friends were in a boating accident and that he is missing.''_

'' _What happened?''_

'' _The storm. They never came back to the hotel and their boat was not found.''_

 _Penelope took a seat on the chair closest to her._

'' _All nine of them are missing?''_

'' _Eight… One of them stayed at the hotel. He was hurt previous day and he had to rest.''_

'' _Who is it? Who stayed behind?''_

 _Detective looked at his pad and turned to Penelope._

'' _His name is Jason Pierce.''_

 _Penelope nodded._

'' _It makes sense. He is least adventures out of all of them. I think he travels with them to be a common sense.''_

'' _What do you mean Mrs. Jordan?''_

'' _My husband and his friends sometimes forgot their age and limits. Mr. Pierce was there to remind them that they are not twenty anymore… And as you know… Most of them were in their fifties, with exception of Mr. Pierce who is in his sixties.''_

'' _I take it that this trip was nothing out of the ordinary?''_

'' _No, nine of them were always having their boys' trips where none of the wives was welcome. They know each other for over thirty years and I guess that has been tradition for most of that time. I am not really reliable for that conversation. You have Oliver's ex wife here, she can confirm that too and I am guessing most of the other wives would agree that it was their ritual. It didn't happen at the same time every year, but it did happen every year.''_

 _Officer was taking notes when Penelope interrupted him._

'' _Do I have to go there? What is the procedure now?''_

'' _It would be wise if you or someone else from the family went. You should give to the officers there something that would help them identify him. All the physical characteristics of your husband… Scars, tattoos, things like that.''_

 _Penelope looked across the room._

'' _Me and Robert, Oliver's son from the previous marriage, could come with me. His blood sample should provide something you can try to match DNA to and I can also bring some of his personal things, like razor or toothbrush if they want that too.''_

 _Two days later, she and Robert were at the island and meeting with the officers there. They brought all of the things authorities there asked for and along with other wives; she filed all the needed forms for the official search to be made. They spent a week at the island and they went home. There was not much they could to there. Penelope and Robert left their information and they got the promise from the officers there that someone would contact them as soon as they knew something._

That was six months ago. Every month she and Robert contacted someone at the office and they would get the same answer, we have nothing new. First three months she really believed he would be found and come back home, but as time went by, her hopes changed into just wanting to know what happened. She recently dared to think that he was dead. She put it behind and convinced herself that it was for the best. She was now a free woman…but not quite. Since it was six months since disappearance and no news of her husband, she was waiting now for the official document that would declare him dead. Few weeks after his disappearance, his ex-wife and his sister hired the lawyer that would freeze all his accounts and assets until the body or Oliver alive was found. Penelope smirked and signed that she agreed with the motion two of them made. She was just sorry she couldn't see their face when they realized that he transferred almost everything in her name. He had just few millions in his name and the biggest part of his fortune and all the companies were in Penelope Park Jordan's name.

She climbed the stairs and went to his bedroom. It still looked as it did when he was here. His bed was made, his wedding ring was at the night stand, just as he always left it when he went to one of his adventures. His book was at the left side of the bed, side he usually slept on. She went into his closet and smelled one of his favorite suits. She could still feel the smell of his favorite perfume and traces of smoke. He was not a real smoker. He would smoke a cigarette or two a month…but she could still smell it on the suits he had. He was a very attractive man. She fell for him fast and hard. He was different from the boys that threw themselves at her. And he was a daddy figure she believed she needed. They were fatal combination… She had the beauty and brains and he had money she needed at that moment. She didn't sell herself to him, but money was one of the big plus sides of being with him. They were both haunted by the ghosts of the past when they met. She was not free when she met him….or anyone before or after him. She hated to admit that her teenage love had such a hold on her. She always loved Josie and she would love her for a long time. She knew Josie was her person, she just had no idea when would she realize how much Penelope loves her and stop being stubborn ass and come back to her. Seeing Josie again after all those years was huge surprise for her. She didn't expect them to meet like that. Josie was getting married and she came to her for therapy. Someone, some higher force had crazy sense of humor. She was sipping her wine when an unknown number called. She smirked.

''Hello…''

''Hello Dr. Park. It's Peter… I was in session with you today with my fiancée Josie….''

She rolled her eyes, but kept her tone professional.

'' I remember. What can I do for you Peter?''

''Well, we would like to schedule another one with you if you are free?''

''Well, you should better call my office on Monday. My secretary could pencil you in.''

''And one more thing… Do you do individual sessions?''

''Why do you think you need one?''

''I don't, but I think Josie does. Maybe she would feel more comfortable talking to you alone?''

''Does she want that?''

''I think she does.''

''You think?''

''She said she would be opened to it.''

''Oh...Ok… You can tell her to come to my office tomorrow at noon.''

''But its Saturday…''

''I know.''

''But you don't work on weekends.''

''I don't, but I think she will change her mind if we don't act soon. Tell her I will be waiting at noon.''

She hung up the phone and nuzzled into one of her husband's sleeves.

''That will be an interesting session Olly... I have session with my ex… The ex I have feelings for… Life has weird sense of humor, don't you think?''

She knew his closet wouldn't respond but talking to some of his things was the way she kept him alive. Looking around the room, she realized their housekeeper was doing the same. She kept his room impeccable, like he would come home any minute. Penelope believed that she had serious crush on her husband and she teased him about it numerous times. She missed their banters and how they used to be in the beginning. She felt like he was angry at her when she became more independent and starting making her own money. He did pay for her school and all the extra courses she was taking, so he knew that someday she would become licensed therapist and earn money. He even sent some of people he knew to her, but he had no idea she would be that good and became self-sufficient. She didn't need him to be her rock anymore. She didn't need his money anymore…so that only left the fact that Penelope was there because she wanted him…and he was not used to that. Most of the people around him wanted him for the money and power he had, not for who he was as a person. He was surprised that such a young and beautiful woman actually wanted him. Money she earned could never compare to what he was earning, and somehow he noticed that it was enough for her. She didn't ask him to buy her things. She was saving for what she wanted or he was giving her presents without her previous knowledge.

She turned off the light and closed his room. She went to her bedroom and put the wineglass on the nightstand. She put on her nightgown and got into bed. She was reading some good book so as every night, she continued where she left of previous night and enjoyed the plot and her wine. She fell asleep around midnight and dreamt of some silly things. Her alarm woke her up around nine. She went to the gym in the building and at eleven she was ready to leave the house and go to her office. She was dressed a bit differently today. She was in black sundress with tiny red flowers and red high heel sandals. Her hair was in a braid and her makeup was a bit lighter. She was not dressed in her usual manner and she felt ok about it. Doorman was surprised to see her in the office on Saturday.

''Good morning Dr. Park. I didn't expect you today.''

''Something came up. A client is coming… A woman… You should let her up when she comes.''

''I will… Have a nice day Dr. Park.''

''You too George.''

She went upstairs and opened her office. She got ready for the session with Josie and went back to her notes from yesterday. There were a lot of things to unpack… Her train of thoughts was interrupted by the phone. She answered it and it was Josie.

''Can you tell your doorman to let me in?''

''Sure, give him to me.''

''Dr. Park, this lady came to see you…''

''Let her up…''

''Ok.''

She opened the door and Josie was surprised by view, and it was not the city. Penelope looked different than yesterday, but still incredible sexy. Even looking causal could be dangrusly sexy wen it comes to P Park.

''Come in Jojo…''

Josie entered her office, but still couldn't stop looking at Penelope.

''Are you ok Jojo?''

Josie was nervously pacing the office and Penelope was just watching her from the door.

''Do you think I am the problem?''

''What?''

''When it comes to sex? Why am I the problem? You said yesterday I was the problem.''

''I didn't say YOU were the problem. I said you, meaning both of you have a problem.''

She took Penelope's coffee from the table and had a sip.

''This is good…''

''It's just caramel Mocha Josie…''

''I haven't had one in years.''

''And why is that?''

Now Penelope was sitting on her chair and her pad was opened and ready for more notes.

''You know why!''

''No, I don't.''

''It was your drink… It had no sense to have what you like to drink.''

''So, you don't eat the food I like to eat too?''

''I do… But this was YOU… One of the things that reminded me of you instantly… I don't think of you when I eat bread or have glass of milk… But this mocha and jasmine based perfumes…that is reminder of you.''

''It's been years Josie…''

''I know… But it's better to be safe than sorry…''

''And yet, here we are.''

''Yes, here we are.''

''Why are you here? Yesterday you had no idea who you were going to see.. What made you come back?''

''I don't know.''

''Let's try again with the answer.''

''I told you.''

''And that answer is bull…''

''Is that how you talk to your clients?''

''When I see bullshit I call it… You are no exception…''

''Wow, you make me feel special.''

''I am not here to make you feel special... I am here to make your life hell because you don't want to face some things about yourself and your life… That's why you are here.''

''Making my life hell, that's appropriate for us.''

''I guess. I am sure you convinced yourself that I am the bad guy in our story.''

''And you were not?''

''Hmm… I am not sure from this prospective. I think we both had our fair share in fucking it all up.''

''Is that your professional opinion?''

Penelope smirked.

''Well, if you want my professional opinion… We were good in THAT department. We had issues with events that took place out of the bed. I wanted more attention from you and you had no idea how to give it to be because you were torn between me, your sister, your parents, school and million other things.''

''I guess you are right. I was torn.''

''And I am sorry for my part in that chaos… I simply couldn't stand what they were doing to you. I loved you too much to see you turn into their personal slave. I am sorry for the things I said and pressure I added on you.''

''Wow! Penelope Park apologizes for something.''

She smirked at Josie's comment.

''It's rare occasion, but I do it…sometimes…not too often.''

''Tell me how I can solve it? How do I fix this with Peter?''

''I don't know how to force you to like someone…. That's not possible…''

''He is a good guy. He loves me… He wants only me and doesn't check out other women. He is even ok with Lizzie. You know how hard that is?''

Penelope took a sip of her coffee and lifted her cup to toast the man.

''He deserves a medal for that. Something huge, like Purple Heart, or something like that.''

Josie narrowed her eyes at Penelope, but still laughed at the comment. Part of her agreed with what Penelope said.

''But…''

''But what Jojo?''

''I can't… I simply can't… I don't feel it…''

Penelope wrote something down in her pad and looked at Josie again.

''And when you are alone?''

''What?''

''When you masturbate… Can you finish then?''

Josie started to blush. She was not comfortable talking about that, especially with Penelope.

''I often get interrupted. Peter wants to use the shower or comes too early to the bedroom…''

''And when you are not interrupted?''

Josie was blushing… She hated talking about her intimate things. And it was weird talking about it with Penelope….out of all the people in the world. Her voice was barely above whisper.

''I do...''

Penelope smirked.

''You do what Jojo?''

''FINISH!''

Penelope smiled and changed the position she was sitting in… She crossed her legs and her dress slit opened and the other women noticed it. Josie was feeling very nervous. Maybe Penelope was shorter than she was but at that point her legs looked like they were miles long and perfectly shaped.

''What do you think about?''

Josie was startled from her daydreaming of feeling those legs around her once more.

''What?''

Penelope smirked again and repeated her question.

''When you are alone, what is the thing you think about? Maybe that is the key to better your sex life with him.''

Josie blushed.

''That would definitely be awkward…''

''Why?''

She blushed again.

''Josette Saltzman, you are thinking about someone else in bed?''

Josie bounced a bit of the sofa, like she always did when Penelope caught her doing something she shouldn't be doing. _Oh, how some things never change!_

''I never said that!''

''You don't have to… Your face says it all…''

''What does it say?''

''That you want that other person… Why don't you go after them?''

''It's complicated.''

''It's always complicated when it's worth it.''

Josie had to change the subject somehow.

''So you think the problem is not in me?''

''No, it's not…''

''How do you know?''

''First-hand experience… We never had problems.''

''No… Our problem was too little time and space for how crazy we were…But we were teenagers Penelope… It's typical for teens to be like that.''

''Not really. You simply have people who are sexual and need sex to connect to their partners better.''

'"So, it's just sex…''

''No, I said connect better….''

''What was our problem then?''

''Hmm… Not in the bedroom as I just said few moments ago… Our problem was the world out of my dorm.''

''Are we back to Lizzie being out issue?''

''No, we are back to everything. You and I know she was not the only problem we had. When we were alone and together, everything was good for us. We were happy, in love and in our own world. Outside you were…hmm… it felt like you were putting on some sort of mask. Like you were ashamed of who you are… You still are.''

''What?"

''How many people know that you are attracted to women?''

Josie got defensive.

''That has nothing to do with anything.''

''It has…''

''How?''

''Did you ever tell your parents?''

Josie lowered her gaze.

''No, I never said anything about it.''

''So, Lizzie is the only person who knows about us?''

''Yes, Lizzie and few other people we were close to.''

''So, that makes it… total of six or seven people?''

''Yes, something like that.''

''So, no one since high school heard you say _I like girls_ …?''

''No, no one.''

''Can you even say it?''

''Say what? That I like… you know?''

''I guess that answers that question…''

''Were there other women after me?''

''Penelope, we are not going there!''

''I am not asking to compare notes Josie… I am asking if you ever dared to go there after us.''

''I did… During college. Lizzie and I went to different colleges and I was free to be with whomever I wanted to be with.''

''Good, I am glad to hear that.''

''So, to answer the question. There were few other women…but it was nothing… Few dates…Sex…. nothing serious. I couldn't take them home and introduce them to my parents… That would be too much.''

''Were there other serious relationships, aside from Peter?''

''Yes, one guy.''

''And how were things there? I am asking about sex, just to be clear.''

''He turned out to be gay.''

''Oh, ok… So I am guessing that was relationship where none of you really wanted sex…and sex happened from time to time so the other one wouldn't have doubts about your relationship?''

''We had good bond Penelope.''

''I don't doubt… You were friends.''

Penelope left her pad and went to the window. She looked at the city for a moment and turned to Josie.

''Jojo, at what age did you stop being ashamed of wanting sex and being sexual person?''

Josie felt attacked by this question. She jumped from the sofa, picked up her things and turned to Penelope.

''Fuck you Penelope!''

She was almost at the door when she came back to the office and threw her things on the chair in the corner. Penelope didn't move from the place where she stood and didn't try to stop Josie from leaving. She knew she would not leave.

''You have no idea who I am now! I am not the same girl you were with!''

''That is good to know… It has been a long time since we were together Josie…almost ten years since we last saw one another. It is good that you are not the same.''

Josie just stood there and watched the other woman.

''What got you so angry? Why did you almost leave after I asked you that question?''

''I don't know.''

''Yes, you do…''

''You will not leave me alone until I say it?''

''Not really.''

''Fine! I am still ashamed and not comfortable with it.''

''Thank you Jojo.''

And that smug face Josie loved and hated was back.

''Fuck you Penelope!''

''You already did Jojo… And if I am not being wrong, that is the thing you think about when you are alone? Am I wrong?''

Penelope was standing leaning on her desk. Her right leg was out of the slit and it was in Josie's current line of vision. She didn't dare to look at the other woman. Even if she said no, at this moment Penelope would know it was a lie. She would see it in her eyes and cheeks that were red as Penelope's shoes. So, they were in weird silence. One, waiting for the answer that would prove her theories right and other wishing she would die and not be forced to admit one of her deepest secrets.


	3. Chapter 3

Josie couldn't look at Penelope because any gesture would be some confirmation of the fact that she was right. Penelope's face went from smug to stunned. She was right… She just wanted to tease Josie and she had no idea she was really right. Josie's gaze was still directed to the floor, but Penelope knew she was embarrassed and on the verge of crying. She moved away from the table and knelt in front of Josie.

''Jojo…''

''What? No snarky comments? No ego busting?''

''I do admit I have so many snarky comments on my mind, but it's not time or place.''

Josie lifted her gaze and she was faced with Penelope being too close. She got some hair away from Josie's face and in Penelope's eyes Josie could see concern and none of the smugness.

''I don't think it has to do with me.''

''What?''

''Your… You know… Thinking about our sex life.''

''Can we please talk about something else?''

''In a minute… You will want to hear what I have to say.''

Penelope got up from the floor and sat next to Josie. She took both of her hands and tried to figure out best way to say what was on her mind. Josie didn't interrupt her this time.

''I don't think you are thinking of me because it's me…or you have some feelings for me. It has been so long that I believe it's not that possible. I think it has to do with the fact that you were most comfortable with yourself when we were together. Yes, we were so deep in the closet that I believed we lived in Narnia.''

Josie smacked her on the hand, but didn't interrupt.

''… but when we were together and alone….you were free to be whoever you wanted to be. You were two people Josie. One person was perfect sister and daughter, being there for everyone and the other person was my Jojo… Free, careless, funny and even cocky sometimes.''

''I was not!''

''Yes, you were Josie… You were so cocky sometimes that you gave me run for my money.''

''Wow! That is huge honor coming from Penelope Park!''

''Well, don't get used to it.''

''Oh, I will not.''

Penelope became all serious again.

''Josie, you have to find a way to get comfortable in your own life and skin. Would it be end of the world if you left him and tried to find someone else… Someone who YOU really want, not someone your family gets along with.''

''It's so hard Penelope.''

''I know… But it's hard because you have no idea who YOU are anymore Jojo… You can't be happy; you can't make him happy when you are lost and nowhere to be seen. You are shadow of yourself again.''

''And what do I do?''

''Go out… Flirt… Maybe even go home with somebody! Hell, have fun! Have flings!''

''And what about Peter?''

''Do you really want to be with him? Be honest with yourself… I don't matter in that… You telling me that things are all rainbows and butterflies is not going to change the real situation. Don't say something to spite me or as some weird revenge to me for our messy past.''

''Are you happy Penelope?''

''Changing subject I see… Ok, I'll fall for it for a minute… I..I have my moments… I had my moments of happiness since we broke up, but things got very messy and complicated in past year.''

''Why?''

''My husband is missing. They should declare him dead any day now.''

Josie was shocked by the words that left Penelope's mouth.

''What?''

''I think I need a lot of alcohol to fill you in what happened in my life during those years we were apart.''

''Wow!''

''Yes, something like that… But this time it's not about me…It's about you, so let's go back to the subject.''

''Peter is amazing guy and many women would kill for him… but somewhere deep inside I feel he is not for me… I feel that I don't want to be with him.''

''Then leave.''

''I can't! He is so nice to me. He doesn't deserve it.''

''So what? You will marry him and be distant for the rest of your life or you will marry him and force yourself to have sex and pretend that you are happy? Come on!''

''It's not that easy to leave.''

''It never is… It's hard when you love someone, it's hard when you are used to someone and it's hard when you don't love that person, but they are your beard, crutch or whatever you want to call him.''

''Did your husband know about you liking girls?''

''Yes, he saw me fucking one when we first met… Actually that is how we met…''

''Wow! And he didn't care?''

''No… He never did.''

''You were lucky…''

''I don't know Josie… We… Oliver and I… We were not like other couples… We didn't have your standard marriage…''

''What do you mean?''

''We had open marriage… We both were with other people…''

''You cheated on him?''

''It's not cheating when you both state that you will see other people and other person knows. It's arrangement inside of marriage…''

''And two of you? How did that function?''

''We were good.''

''Were you intimate?''

Penelope smirked.

''You are asking if I had sex with my husband?''

''Yes, I guess I am asking that.''

'"Yes, we had sex… Few times a week and it sometimes happened for us to have sex few times a day too.''

''Wow! And doing it with other people didn't disturb that?''

''No, sometimes we had sex with other people together…''

''Wow!''

''You say that a lot.''

''I don't think I could do it… I mean…watch y...someone I am with have sex with other person…''

Penelope heard the slip and she sort of liked it.

''People adjust Jojo… At some point in my life I was sure I could never be in any open relationship and I ended up married to someone who enjoyed that sort of freedom and I learned to enjoy it too.''

''But how?''

''I don't know. ''

''Come on Penelope. You told me that is not an answer.''

She smirked at Josie's comment.

''I guess I started liking that freedom too… feeling that we were equal. I could do whatever he was doing. At first, I didn't dare to cross the line. I would see people who I felt attraction for, but I didn't cross the line…until one night.''

''What happened that night?''

''I saw a girl I simply had to have.''

''And what was so special about her?''

Penelope couldn't tell Josie that the girl was her clone, so she choose other explanation.

''There was some attraction that I couldn't control. I was simply drawn to her. It was something magnetic… Some attraction you could feel in the air.''

''And how was it?''

Penelope licked her lips and smirked.

''Mind-blowing…''

''Really?''

''Yes, there is something about having sex with girls… It's different from how I feel when I am with men.''

Now Josie was intrigued.

''What is different?''

''Everything… I am different… I think I feel more like myself with a woman… I do enjoy sex with men, but with a woman… I feel liberated in a way I don't feel with men.''

''Hmm…''

''What?''

''I feel scared…''

''When?''

''With a woman…. Like…like they can really see me…At least that is how I felt with you.''

''What we had was special Jojo… You were my first love… I was frightened of you…''

''You were?''

''It was the first time I had feelings for someone…and it really freaked me out. I was not used to having feelings… Before you… I simply didn't care… and then you came and things changed. It was not just one more notch… You were my everything…''

''I was?''

''God, Josie! I loved you so much! I wanted everything with you… I got my grades up so I could go to college and be worthy. I know your parents didn't like me. I know they saw me as a foster girl who had unexpected magic.''

''Do you use it?''

''My magic?''

''Yes…''

''Sometimes.''

''Did your husband know?''

''No, but he did suffer some small accidents due to it. He was not a good boy all the time.''

''Penelope!''

''What?''

''You used your magic on him?''

''Yes, bud don't worry… I didn't burn his hair.''

''Oh, my God! I can't believe you are bringing that up!''

''Why? You did it Jo and there is no way you can tell me it was not you. Others might believe you, but I knew the truth.''

''Fine, it was me.''

''Thank you for your honesty.''

''And you did deserve it.''

''Why?''

''Those girls were flirting with you.''

''Yes, THEY flirted, not Me.'

''I don't care! I was pissed at you.''

''Oh, I know.''

The smug Penelope was back.

''I hate you.''

''I know that too Jojo.''

She got up from the sofa and got to her purse. She picked it up and turned to the other woman.

''Let's go Jojo.''

''Where?''

''To lunch.''

''Penelope, I don't think it's a good idea.''

''And why is that?''

''Because…''

She was really trying to figure out why they shouldn't go to that lunch.

''Yes, Jojo? I am waiting for excuse.''

''Lead the way and shut up!''

''Italian? Mexican? Japanese?''

''Japanese is fine.''

''Good. I know just the place.''

Penelope and Josie got into Penelope's car and during their drive Josie realized that Penelope was driving toward very exclusive part of the city.

''What are we doing at the Upper East side?''

''Going for that lunch.''

''Penelope I don't have money for this.''

''No one asked for your money Jojoj.''

''And there is no way to find parking space here.''

''Will you relax?''

''Ok, fine.''

Next thing Josie knew they were making a turn at one of the buildings and Penelope was pressing a button on her key chain.

''Penelope?''

''Relax Jojo.''

She drove into the garage and when they got out of the car Josie followed her to the elevator. They got in and Penelope pressed button 18.

''Where are we going?''

''To my place Jojo.''

''You live here?''

''Yes, I do.''

''Wow! Your job must pay well…''

''It does, but it's my husband's place actually.''

''He must be rich.''

Penelope mumbled something along the line of you have no idea, but Josie didn't hear her. She was too stunned by the fact she is inside of one of the buildings she was passing by and only imagining how would look from the inside. Josie was too busy looking around the bottom floor of Penelope's place to even notice that she ordered lunch for them. Josie instantly stuck to the windows and view from the living room. Penelope stood in the back, leaning on the wall and just looking at Josie. She reminded her of the girl she used to know. That innocence and authentic happiness and fascination with something. Josei turned and saw Penelope watching her.

''What?''

''Nonhing Jojo.''

''This view Penny… It's everything.''

''I agree… You should see the one from the bedroom. You can see the central Park from it.''

''Really? Bedroom?''

''Actually Oliver's bedroom.''

''You and your husband didn't share a room?''

''No, never. He loved having his own space and I grew to love it too.''

''Fancy.''

''I know.''

Their food arrived soon and Penelope opened the bottle of wine. She and Josie ate in the living room sitting on the floor and watching TV. Actually, they didn't watch it… They were bussy talking and laughing about things. They laughed so much remembering some people and events from school that they didn't notice how late it was. Their moment was interrupted by Josie's phone. It was Peter he was worried about her. She also had messages from Caroline, her dad and Lizzie.

''I should go…''

''Do you want me to call you a car?''

''No, I will take the train.''

''Ok…''

Josie picked up her things and Penelope walked her to the door.

''I really had a nice time today.''

''Me too Jojo.''

Josie wanted to hug her, but she froze. She just left the apartment and rushed to her train and Penelope stayed in her home with million new things to think about. This day with Josie was amazing, but it was also breach of everything she should be standing for as her therapist. She let Josie's presence get the best of her and she strayed from her path as a provider of service to her client. She crossed the limit with Josie today and she knew she couldn't do it again if she wanted to keep working with her.


	4. Chapter 4

Josie got home and Peter was waiting for her. He was worried, he was angry and he had no idea what happened to her. She didn't answer her phone for the entire day.

''I am sorry. I lost the track of time.''

''Where were you Josei?! I was worried sick. I called Lizzie, I called Caroline, I called your dad too.''

''I am sorry… I lost track of time.''

''I heard that. Where were you?''

''Around.''

''Around?''

''Yes, I was with Penelope.''

''Penelope?''

''Dr. Park.''

''So you call her Penelope?''

''I…No, I don't…''

''You just did.''

''It was slip of the tongue… I asked her what her name was.''

She had no idea why she lied, but now was too late to go back on that.

''Ok, so you were at the session alone. Did it help?''

''Yes, it did…''

''Should we go back?''

''We could.''

''Josie, don't give me that half answers. Just say, do you want to go back?''

''It could be useful.''

The truth was that she wanted to see Penelope again and therapy was amazing excuse.

''Ok. I will call on Monday to get us the appointment.''

''Good. I am off to take a shower.''

She went to the bedroom and took off what she had today. She put it in the bin and went under shower. She really needed to relax and have a moment alone. As it usually happens, Penelope sneaked into her mind again. She spent entire shower playing the movie of the day the spent together and she had that dumb look and smile on her face. _Damn you Penelope Park!_ She hated how Penelope made her feel things. She got out of shower and found Peter already in bed.

''I spoke to your family. I told them you are home safe and sound.''

''Thank you.''

''You are welcome. Will you tell me where you were?''

''I just needed some time to think and gather my thoughts. That session got me today.''

''Will it be like this every time you go there alone?''

''I have no idea. This was my first time.''

''Ok. If it helps.''

''It does.''

''Good. I am glad we found her.''

Josie smiled and didn't say anything. She was also glad, but not for the same reasons Peter had. Peter fell asleep soon after he got into bed and Josie spent some time awake. She was haunted by the images of their past and memories she shouldn't think about being in bed with her boyfriend. She closed her eyes and she could feel Penelope touching her. She could feel her smell and how her fingers and lips covered every inch of her body. Those thoughts got her very horny. She didn't open her eyes, she just took Peter's hand and put it in her panties. It took him a minute to realize what was going on and to wake up.

''Josie…''

''Don't talk… Don't ruin it…''

''Ok…Ok…''

It didn't take long before he was inside of her. Soon she took charge and she was on top of him. Her eyes were closed and she was imagining that under her was not Peter, but Penelope doing her magic with her fingers and kissing her collarbone and chest. Josie loved making love with Penelope sitting in her lap and facing her. Seeing every facial expression she made and her smile from time to time when she made Josie be very loud and lose control. Josie went back to one of the last nights she and Penelope spent together. _It was some time after the spring dance and two of them sneaked off from the after party. Lizzie was with someone so she didn't even notice that Josie and Penelope were not at the Old Mill. Both of them were shocked that their stupid plan worked and that they could be together without Lizzie watching them like hawk. She sneaked back to Penelope's dorm and she did silencing spell to mask their presence there. She knew that Lizzie was not that good with magic and that she wouldn't be able to break the spell without Hope or someone else and she also knew that Hope and Lizzie didn't see eye to eye for years…So, she and Penelope were safe in that room and in their little world. It was also one of the very few nights when things were not rushed. In two years she and Penelope were together, there were only few nights they could take things slow and appreciate each other in a right way. Usually, things were rushed and Josie had timer set on her phone and that drove Penelope crazy. She few times fought with Josie about it and said she felt like hooker because they had only hour or so to be together._

'' _One time I am sure I will see you leave money on the nightstand Josie…''_

'' _Don't say things like that Penelope… It's insulting…''_

'' _Say that to the alarm you set every time you step in this room Josie. I am ok with things not being out in the public. I understand you can't come out to your family. I know that is not easy thing to do and that you are not ready…. But please, don't treat me like this. There is huge difference between relationship being a secret and someone being your dirty little secret Josie. I am liberal person, but not your hooker. Am I clear?''_

'' _I never saw you that way P. I promise I will find a way to make it up to you. This situation will not be always like this. I will find a way to spend entire night with you.''_

 _Penelope wanted to believe her. She really did. She wanted to give Josie one more chance, just one more before she ends this and breaks both of their hearts. She was getting tired of timed secret meetings at the roof or in her room. She was getting tired of being treated bad by Lizzie and her minions and not responding the adequate way because she didn't want Josie to pay the consequences of her anger and retaliation. But she had a lot of things on her mind for Lizzie when she and Josie end it. Oh, that girl would pay for every word, every time she made Josie cry and every time Penelope cried for her. Josie knew P was holding back for her. She knew that as soon as they end things there will be hell for Lizzie. That was also one of the reasons she was still with Penelope and not giving up on them even when she wanted to because it was too much preasure for her._

 _Penelope took her hand and apologized for what she said. Josie just smiled and told her it was ok. They both knew it was not._

'' _Come with me to the dance Jojo…''_

'' _Penny, I… I don't know how would that work out… We can't go as a couple…''_

'' _Well, we can go together as two girls that have no dates.''_

'' _And we both know that is bull. Penelope Park not being asked to the dance? In what world?!''_

'' _In this… I am ready to say no to everyone if you do the same. And then we can meet by accident at the entrance of the dance hall…''_

'' _You thought about every detail.''_

'' _I want this to be perfect night for us Jojo.''_

'' _Maybe I could even stay the night with you?''_

 _Penelope didn't expect that… She was really hoping Josie could sneak out and be with her._

'' _That would be amazing, but let's not get our hopes up. Every time we do, you know what happens.''_

'' _My family happens with some stupid emergency.''_

'' _Yes, that!''_

 _But it didn't happen that night. They managed to escape Lizzie and lock themselves in Penelope's dorm and spend a beautiful night together. Josie was lying next to Penelope on her stomach and the other girl was on her side sliding her fingers up and down Josie's back._

'' _You are so beautiful Jojo.''_

'' _So are you Penny…''_

 _Josie noticed how Penelope looked at her in a different way, like she was soaking up everything about her. Her eyes were shade darker and focused on every stroke she made down her back._

'' _Are you ok Penny?''_

'' _I am never better.'''_

'' _Are you sure?''_

'' _Yes, Jojo… There is nothing to worry about… I am just enjoying this beautiful person by my side.''_

'' _You are such a sweettalker P.''_

'' _No, I am not.''_

'' _Then what is it?''_

 _It was now or never for Penelope._

'' _I love you Josie… I really do…and I wish we had more moments like this… Moments when we could just be and not wait for the phone to ring, or anyone to look for you. I know I am selfish in wanting you for myself… But sometimes love is selfish… I wish that we had more chances to be bare and naked with each other…''_

 _Josie blushed a bit. She was not used to hearing things like that and Penelope was not always so opened and vulnerable._

'' _I love you Jojo… I love you so much…and I wish that you could see how amazing you are and how incredible you are… I wish I could somehow get you to see yourself with my eyes… If you did see yourself as I see you, you would never doubt how amazing you are and how much you deserve in this world. You take my breath away.''_

 _That was enough to get Josie over the edge and get her to kiss Penelope like there was no tomorrow. Soon they were making love again.. Josie was sitting on Penelope's lap and her hands were in P's hair pulling it as they were kissing with hunger and passion. She wanted to say so many things to Penelope, she wanted her to know she is hers and that she feels the same about her. That Penelope takes her breath away with everything she does, with her entire existence. She broke the kiss and just looked at Penelope's eyes._

'' _I love you too P… I love you so fucking much.''_

 _To Penelope that was one hell of a love declaration knowing that Josie neve uses curse words. She wanted to tease her, she had few good jokes on the tip of her tongue, but she didn't. She kept it quiet and just kissed Josie._

'' _I love you too… So much… Never doubt that Jojo.''_

'' _Never.''_

Something happened that night that didn't happen before. Josie managed to finish. She finally had her orgasm…too bad she had it thinking of Penelope and one of the best nights in their lives. Peter was incredibly happy and proud.

''Wow Jo! That was amazing.''

She didn't say anything. She just covered herself and stared at the window. He pulled her into his arms and stroked her arm.

''I must send Dr. Park flowers. She did it… You enjoyed sex and even took charge.''

Josie's mind was working overtime. She felt guilty. She spent entire time thinking about Penelope and sex they had. She distanced herself from Peter and shut him off in order to feel something. Penelope was right… She needed to end this soon. It was not right. She felt sorry for him. He believed they made progress and Josei felt like they went million steps back…At least she did.

Peter fell asleep again happy and with a huge smile on his face and she got out of the bed and got dressed. She closed the bedroom door and went to the living room. She couldn't be in that room anymore. She needed a moment. She felt dirty, she felt fake and she felt like worst liar in the world. She fell asleep in the living room thinking about Penelope and what just happened with Peter. She had no idea how to move on from that and how to even start the conversation with him.

In the morning Peter was surprised to wake up alone. He found Josie sleeping in the living room and he had no explanation for that. He came to her and caressed her cheek. She woke up with a jump.

''I scared you?''

''No, I had some weird dream.''

 _She lied…_

''I am sorry Jo…''

''It's ok… What time is it?''

''It's eleven… We should go to the store… Your family is coming for the famous barbecue I promised… And I am sure I will have to fight your dad for the grill again.''

''I am sorry. I'll tell him to back off since it's your grill and your territory.''

''It's ok… I'll survive.''

''If you need me to say something…''

''No, I don't… ''

He had that evil smile and Josie knew what was coming.

''But you can join me in the shower.''

''How about you shower and I start the coffee. It's not a good idea to shower together if we are in such a rush to the store.''

''Fine, you are probably right… But I am informing you that I am pretty much into repeating the previous night.''

''I am sure you are… Go and shower!''

He kissed her and went to the bathroom and she stayed alone.

 _Fuck!_

She was not into repeating the night before…at least not the part he was in. When he was done with shower, Jose went to shower and dress. She put on red sundress with tiny white flowers and her red flats. She got her hair up and got her purse. It was time to go. He poured her coffee to go because he knew that there was not enough coffee in the world when it came to Josie's morning coffee. She thanked him and took a sip from it as they were leaving. In store they divided and conquered, as usual. They both hated big shopping and that was their strategy of finishing in shortest possible time. Yes, sometimes like at the register was working against them, but at least they didn't spend too much time running around the store. Just as Josie was getting some of the things from her list, her phone rung. It was her mother. She and Lizzie called her Caroline because there was no way they could explain she was their mother. She looked their age, so they lied she is their sister…adopted one…

''Hey Caroline.''

''Hey Josei… I am just calling to see what do you want me and dad to bring?''

''Well, you can bring your famous chocolate cake… The one you buy at the bakery close to you, but lie you make…''

''Josette Saltzman! That is not the way to speak to your mother.''

''I am sorry, but you know I am right.''

''Fine…''

Caroline heard the noise in the background.

''Where are you Jo?''

''In the supermarket… We are getting things for today.''

''Oh, I will leave you to it then.''

''See you in a few hours.''

''See you love.''

They got home with million bags and Josie was the one in the kitchen putting things away and Peter was in charge to bring the bags in. Their fridge was stocked now for today and next few days. Josie loved that it was summer and school was out. She felt bad for Peter that had to work, but she knew his holiday was getting close and that soon he will be able to enjoy summer in their garden as much as she does. They planted some flowers during the spring break and now they are finally in bloom. Peter washed his hands and started working on marinating the meet for the grill. They bought some t bone stakes for him and rick and burgers for Lizzie, Josie and Caroline. Those stakes had to be perfect because Rick and Peter always competed who cooked them better. It was pretty much tie between them who makes them better. Beer was cold, there were few options of soda, and there was white wine for Lizzie and sparkling water for her husband. He didn't drink much. Josie believes she saw him have a drink only at his and Lizzie's wedding. He simply was not the one who enjoyed drinking. Lizzie and Caroline appreciated that a lot. After all, Rick was drunk one large portion of their growing up and they were glad that they had someone in the family who was far from it.

At three family came and the noise in the house started. Peter and Rick took a beer each and went outside to grill the meat. Lizzie was telling Caroline and Josie that in February she and her husband were going to Maldives. They couldn't go to the honeymoon right after the wedding because he had some big case, but now since it's getting close to conviction, they were planning that trip for the winter. Josie watched her sister talking and her gesticulation. It was clear that she changed the way she moved her hands. Now she moved them in a way that would always draw attention to her rings. She was very proud of them. She talked about the price of her ring for weeks. Josie found it entertaining in a way. She wondered if she would to the same if she had a ring on her finger. As expected, after some time talking and waving her hands, their mother took her hand and admired the rings again, like every time they were in her face. Those two were really mother and daughter. Caroline noticed that Josie was standing way from them just watching.

''What is it Jo? Are you ok?''

''Yes, I am fine.''

Lizzie rolled her eyes.

''Don't worry Jo… He will ask you to marry him. I am sure your rock wouldn't be as impressive, but you will get your ring…''

''I am not thinking about it. To be honest, I am not sure if I want to marry him.''

That got both women by surprise.

''Why?''

''I don't feel like he is the one…''

Caroline didn't expect that. She was sure two of them were heading there. They were living together, marriage was normal continuation of the road they started.

''What do you mean?''

''I mean, I care, but I don't love him.''

Caroline could understand that.

''Is there someone else?''

''No, mom… I am not a cheater…''

''Ok, than what is it?''

''I am not attracted to him.''

Lizzie took some of her wine.

''Marriage is not about sex.''

''Do you like sex with your husband?''

Lizzie got defensive.

''Of course I do…''

''Well, I don't like having sex with him. I never finish and it feels wrong…''

Caroline felt bad for Josie.

''Since when do you feel like that? Some people simple lose the spark…''

''Mom, we never had it.''

''Oh, that's different.''

''Yes…''

''So what will you do honey?''

''I want to leave…''

Lizzie didn't like that idea.

''Leave? You have a good man Josie. That is a rare thing.''

''Lizzie I don't love him.''

''You can learn.''

''What?''

''You can learn to love him. Don't throw away good life you might have because you don't want to have sex with him. Sex is not as important and safety in life. You can put up for few moments and have good and safe life… He will make progress in the company, you could stop working and we could do things together.''

''I don't want to settle Lizzie. And I love my job. I love working.''

''At that school? With those delinquent kids?''

''Not everyone can afford private school.''

''I know!''

''What happened to you Lizzie? All you can think of or talk about has to do with money and things that are material…. Yes, we get it! You married a man who has money and makes a lot of it, but there is more to life than fleshing your bling.''

''Like what Josie?''

There was a smile on Josie's face. She finally had a realization…

''Living it….and loving the life you live.''


	5. Chapter 5

Lizzie and Caroline looked at Josie a bit surprised by the comment. They were about to ask her what does that mean when Rick came in to tell them the food was done. They all got out and started eating. Rick admitted that Peter's stakes were good and Peter had very proud grin. Lizzie's husband started some casual conversation and men section of the table was involved in it. Lizzie wanted to ask Josie about what she said in the kitchen, but even she knew it was not time and place at the table where everyone was. Josie's phone beeped and she took it to see what was going on. It was from the newspaper application. She opened it and saw latest news. Remains of eight missing businessmen were found. There were pictures of all the widows on the corner of the picture of the men, including Penelope.

''Oh, my God!''

That got everyone's attention. Peter saw Josie's face and got worried.

''What is it Jo?''

''I'll be back in a moment. I have phone call to make.''

She got into the house and went to the bedroom. She dialed Penelope's number and she answered after few rings.

''I just saw… Are you ok?''

''Yes, thank you for calling… We got the news an hour ago… His sister, son and ex-wife are on the way to my place. We have to make funeral arrangements. His remains arrive tomorrow morning and we have to figure out so much. And I have to control myself and not kill all of them… Well, actually, the ex wife and sister. His son is cool.''

''I am so sorry for your loss P.''

''Thank you Jojo… It means a lot that you called.''

''If you need anything…''

''I know…Thank you. I have to go now. They will be here any minute…''

''Take care… And don't kill them…''

''I will try.''

''And if you do, call me to help you hide the bodies.''

''Oh, I am counting on that.''

''Good… Talk to you later.''

When she finished the conversation, Caroline entered the room.

''Honey, what is going on?''

''Nothing mom.''

''Josie… I know you.''

''Mom, can we not talk about this now. Let's go back outside.''

''I don't like when you hide things from me.''

''Some stories are not mine to be told and some things you don't want to hear.''

''You know we love you Josie.''

''No, mom… I don't know. I know you all love the version of me you want to see… God, mom! I don't even know who I am… I am so lost and none of you sees it…''

''Josie what is going on?''

''I just realized that life is passing me by and I am just a passive observer. I don't want to be observer in my own life.''

''What does that mean?''

''Everything… I am done mom… I am done being passive in my own life… I am too young to waste it.''

Caroline just looked at Josie trying to figure out something. Josie got out of the room and came back outside. Table was cleared and Caroline chocolate cake was out ready to be cut and eaten. Peter looked a bit nervous and Josie was sure it had something to do with her dad who was looking at him with a very smug grin. They ate the cake and it was time for her family to leave. Josie was getting ready to talk to Peter when her phone interrupted her. It was her friend from school. She was a math teacher and she wanted to see it Josie would like to go out. Her cousin was in town and wanted to see the night life of the city that never sleeps. Samantha called few other girls from school and all of them were in. Josie accepted because she really needed the night out. She got dressed and met with the girls in a bar they agreed to meet at. Samantha's cousin Mina was nice girl. She was about twenty and she finally managed to get away from very conservative environment she lives in. The rest of Samantha's and Josie's friends from work were opened to pretty much anything because some of them were married with children and really needed a night out to simply have fun and let go. Samantha offered different ideas to her cousin and was very surprised when Nina said she wants to go to a gay club. That idea was unexpected, but not unwelcomed. Sally and Kim were straight women with two kids each and they never went to a place like that. Samantha was straight but during her college years she went to few clubs as support to her gay and lesbian friends and Josie never really spoke of her sexuality. To be honest, Josie haven't spoken to herself about the situation in her life so she couldn't really talk to anyone else. They went to a club and Sally and Kim loved it from the first moment. They danced with some handsome men, they drank, they had time of their lives. Samantha was looking after her cousin that got her flirt on with few girls and Josie was in her usual state, invisible. Drinks were flowing and at one point Josie found herself somehow on the dance floor dancing with a very good looking woman. She was a bit shorter than her with piercing blue eyes and dark hair. They danced, had some shots ,danced again and next thing she knows, girl is dragging her away from the dance floor to a dark corner of the club. They spent some time kissing and making out away from the crowd. Josie felt amazing… She felt sexy, wanted and she also wanted the other woman. She broke the kiss and bight Josie's earlobe.

''Want to go back to my place?''

''Yes, let's go.''

Josie was drunk enough to say yes and let loose. She picked up her things and left the club with the girl. Girl didn't live far from the club and it took them about ten minutes by cab to get to her place. They started kissing and making out as soon as they left the cab. She doesn't remember how they made it to the apartment before they were both naked. Josei couldn't remember wanting to be with someone that much as she wanted the other girl. It didn't take them long to end up naked in bed. Girl knew what she was doing and Josie felt like her body was on fire. When she caught her breath she returned the favor to the other girl and enjoyed hearing all the sounds she made. She felt powerful, she felt in charge and she felt like she was finally free. This was who she was. She was not passive participant in sex, she was someone who could give as well as she could take. And she made decision at that moment not to hide anymore and embrace who she is. She woke up with a headache and tangled into unfamiliar sheets. Other woman was asleep by her side and Josie watched her sleep trying to remember as much as she could from the previous night. She couldn't remember her name, but she could remember what she liked in bed and how easy was for the other woman to find her buttons. She got out of bed and got dressed. She looked around trying to find a paper to leave a message or something. She was not good with one night stands… She had no experience with that. Apartment was small, but nice. She found paper and wrote down a message.

 _Sorry I had to leave before you woke up. I had some things to do and I couldn't get out of it. I had a good time last night. See you around,_

 _Josie_

Under her name she left her phone number and left the apartment. She had no idea if the girl would call, but honestly she didn't really care. She got out to the street and walked to the nearest subway station. She had huge smile on her face and she felt different. She felt better about herself and she felt like she finally had the courage, maybe it was liquid at some point, but none the less courage to do what she wanted. She had sex and she enjoyed it. She got home and it was quiet. Peter was sleeping. She made coffee and took a seat in the garden. She fell asleep in the swing and she woke up when Peter got outside.

''I didn't hear you come in.''

''I didn't go to the bedroom. I didn't want to wake you up.''

''How was it?''

''Good… Very good… Better than good.''

''I am glad… You should go out more… It makes you happy.''

He was about to go back to the house when Josie stopped him.

''Peter, don't go.''

''I'll be back in a minute.. I just want to get some coffee.''

''Ok.''

He came back with his coffee and took a seat at the table. He got his phone out and started reading the online papers. Josie lost courage to speak to him. She got her phone out and texted Penelope.

J: Can I see you today?

P: Only if you come to my place. I can't leave. We are waiting for the information about my husband's remains. They are not coming today. Something got it delayed.

J: Home alone?

P: YESSSSS!

J: Be there in an hour.

P: Waffles and hot chocolate?

J: Always.

She got into the house and went to have a shower. She got into her car and arranged with Penelope to be let inside of building to park her car. Other doorman took care of the car and told her to come to his desk when she leaves Mrs. Jordan's apartment or simply call for car to be in front of the building. She got to Penelope's place and rang the bell. She was surprised by the sight of Penelope in yoga pants, flats and black shirt that was very lose. Her hair was in a messy bun and she had sports bra under the shirt.

''Very sporty.''

''I just came back from yoga.''

She looked at Josie.

''And you look like a cat that just ate the canary… You had sex…with someone who is not Peter.''

''I hate you.''

''I know… Now, tell me something I don't know.''

''I am not telling you anything.''

''And that is a lie Jojo.''

Josie washed her hands and joined Penelope at the table. She was already enjoying her waffles with chocolate and whipped cream. Josie took her seat and started eating. Penelope had smirk on her face and was looking at Josie waiting for her to crack and finally say what she wanted.

''What?''

''Nothing Jojo.''

They continued eating and Penelope caught Josie looking at her chest. He shirt moved few times and exposed the content of her sports bra. Penelope knew her breasts were always Josie's weak spot and she loved to tease her about it long time ago… It looked as she would have a chance to do it again. Also what reminded Penelope of old times was how messy Josie would get eating waffles. There was a lot of cream and chocolate at the corner of her lips and Penelope was fighting the impulse to either lick it off or simply remove it. Josie noticed Penelope was looking at her.

''Fine! I did sleep with someone… Are you happy now?''

''I knew it from the moment you walked into my house…''

''That's a lie Penelope.''

''I do know you Josie… You do have very particular facial expression after sex… Anyone who pays a bit attention to you would know you got laid. ''

''You are not such an expert on me Penelope.''

''Oh, yes I am.''

''No you are not. You don't know that much about me.''

''I know everything there is to know about you Jojo.''

''Prove it…''

''Ok…''

She smirked before she spoke.

''It was a girl, you were tipsy enough to dare to let go, it was some random person, you probably don't remember or even know the name…. You are gay…''

Then she moved her thumb to the corner of Josie's lips, wiped the cream and chocolate, licked it off her finger and smirked again at sunned Josie.

''And it's nice to know that my boobs still have same effect on you.''

'"Shut up! I hate you!''

She smiled at Josie and took a bight of her food.

''No you don't...''


	6. Chapter 6

Josie covered her face with both hands and made weird sounds. For a moment Penelope was sure she was crying. She removed her hands and Penelope saw she was right. Josie did cry. Penelope got up from her chair and knelt in front of Josie. She took her hands in one of hers and with the other she tried to wipe Josie's face.

''What is it honey? Talk to me…''

Josie started crying again and Penelope pulled her into her arms. She knew that Josie in this state needed to be held. She was sure that her ex-girlfriend was hit by _**I am gay**_ train and had no idea how to deal with it.

''This is sick! This is so wrong. You are my ex-girlfriend…my therapist I go to with my boyfriend…who has no idea about our past…''

''...and the only person you can be honest with?''

''I can't Penelope… I can't be gay… They would never forgive me.''

''Who?''

''My mom, Lizzie…dad… They all love Peter…''

Then it hit her what she did….

''Peter… What did I do Penelope?! I cheated on him… I am such a bad person.''

''No, you are not Jojo… You are not bad person…''

''You justify me cheating?''

''No, that was a bad thing to do, but it doesn't make you a bad person.''

''What does it make me then?''

Penelope was trying to find words to tell Josie what she needed to hear.

''Human…It makes you human Josei… You've spent years trying to please everyone. You tried to be perfect daughter and never give your parents a reason to be angry or worried about you. Now, that has come back to haunt you.''

''So, what? I should have come out when we were together?''

''I am not saying that. I am just saying there is huge part of yourself you tried to deny. Now, it's fighting to get out. It will be messy before you become comfortable with who you are…''

''I can't be that Penelope… I can't…''

Penelope got up from the floor and got Josie to the sofa with her. She held her and let her cry. She knew there were so many things Josie had to cry out, not just being gay and that coming back to bight her on the ass, but all the things that happened because she hid who she is.

''I need to find a way to fight it.''

''No, honey… You have to find a way to fight for it… I saw you happy today after so many years. I finally saw a smile that reaches your eyes… It's worth it Jojo… But it's not going to be easy.''

''What do I do Penny?''

''You need to talk to Peter and tell him the truth Josie. He needs to know it was never about him. Then, you need to pack your things and leave his house.''

''Where would I live? I can't afford to get an apartment now. We spent a lot of money fixing the house.''

''I can borrow you money or you can stay here if you want…until you are comfortable to move out.''

''I can't just move in with you Penelope. It would raise hell, especially if…WHEN I come out to my parents. Lizzie will have a lot of choice words…''

''I am a big girl Jojo. I can handle Lizzie. Hell, I can handle your parents too… I just never said anything out of respect for you. Now I feel bad for not saying anything. If I did, you probably would have been out and finally free to be who you are. I am sorry Josie…''

''It's not your fault Penelope. It's mine.''

''Jojo…''

''I am scared.''

''I know.''

''How do I tell them?''

''You sit them down and say Mom, dad I am gay…''

''I wish it was that simple.''

''Nothing big in life is Jojo… But you must fight for yourself.''

''After I tell Peter, I need to leave the house.''

''You can come back here…and then we can find you an apartment or you can stay with some of your other friends?''

''Can I first find a place and then tell them?''

''I am afraid you will try to chicken out.''

''I will not…I just need to feel safe… If I tell all of them, I have nowhere to go…''

''Ok. Let's find you a place.''

Penelope got her laptop and started looking for an apartment for Josie. They found one close to her school and it looked nice in the pictures. Price was a bit high for what Josie could afford for a moment, but Penelope told her not to worry. Lady said she could see them today and they went straight to the apartment. Penelope drove them there and Josie was trying to calm down and stop herself from crying again. They liked the place and Penelope gave land lady check for six months. Josie was not happy about it, but she knew better than to argue with Penelope. Apartment was on the last floor, it was very bright, furnished, and cozy. It really looked as something Josie would pick for herself. Now all they needed to do was get Josie's things and move her into the apartment. Peter said he would be out of the house for most of the day because he was going to see his mom who lives in another town. That left Josie and Penelope enough time to get Josie's things. They agreed to just put boxes into new place and let Josie unpack afterwards. They managed to finish everything before Peter came home. Penelope took a cab home and Josie stayed in the house frightened of the conversation they were about to have. He came home around eight and he looked happy.

''Hey Jo… How was your day?''

''Peter, take a seat… We need to talk.''

He looked worried but still he took a seat on a chair across Josie.

''What is it?''

''I am moving out.''

''What? Why? I thought we were on the right path just two nights ago. I even took a ring from my mom. I was going to propose to you.''

''I am sorry, but I can't… I can't marry you and I can't stay.''

''Is there someone else?''

''No, not in a way you think.''

''I don't know what to think Josie… What made you suddenly change your mind?''

''It's not sudden change…and that is a problem… I spent so many years trying to make everyone else happy that I forgot what I wanted in life.''

''And what do you want Josie?''

''To be happy.''

''And you are not happy with me?''

She started crying and just gestured with her head that she is not happy.

''What can I do to make you happy? Tell me…''

''You can't…''

''Why?''

''I don't love you Peter… I am fond of you… But I don't love you… I never could…''

''Why?''

Josie said in a voice that was barely higher than a whisper.

''I am gay…''

It took him a moment to process what she said.

''You are what?!''

''I am gay…''

''No! You are not… How is that possible? You've never been with another woman…''

''I have… I've been with few of them…and I am gay….It just took a lot of time and courage to say it out loud.''

''Why now? What made you say it now?''

''I can't hold it back.''

''Why? Why now?!''

''Because I lost myself… I don't know who I am and if I kept it inside for a moment more… I don't know what would have happened.''

''How long have you known?''

''Since I was fifteen, but I never dared to say it out loud…''

''Fifteen? That is almost half of your life Josie!''

''I know…''

''Why hide it in the first place?''

''Lizzie made me believe it was wrong to be in love with a girl. She made me feel ashamed of it. She made me believe my family would reject me… They wouldn't accept who I am.''

''Lizzie knows?''

''Yes, she knew from the start… When I was in school, I had my first girlfriend…We were together for two years and I never came out to my parents. Lizzie found out and she blackmailed me with it… Sometimes she still uses that against me…to make me feel less worthy…''

''And why did you ever date me if you knew you were gay? We've been together for years Josie!''

''I wanted to end this so many times. I really care about you and I knew you didn't deserve this. I wanted for you to be loved by someone who could really return your feelings and be a good partner in life. Every time I wanted to do it, I couldn't. I would get discouraged because Caroline or dad said how proud they were of me for having such an amazing boyfriend. How good you are to me and how one day they wish for me to marry you. How proud they would be when we get kids…things like that.''

Peter finally understood better woman he lived with for two years. He finally realized how big stranger Josie was actually. He had no idea who the woman before him was. But he was not angry anymore. Now he was just shocked how hard she was trying to kill her true nature.

''Josie…. ''

Peter hugged her. He was heartbroken for her decision to leave and the story she was telling, but he still cared enough about her not to let her feel any less.

''You are amazing person Josie… ''

''How can you say that after what just happened?''

''I am hurt and angry…but I don't think you are less of a person because you are gay. I am sorry anyone ever made you feel less because of that. And I hope that in few months…we could meet for a drink and I would get to meet the real Josie…''

''Real Josie?''

''Yes, Josie that is living the life she really wants…not trying to make everyone else happy and failing at being happy herself. I will get over you Josie… People come and go in and out of our lives… But knowing what you just told me… I am glad we are ending this before it went too far.''

''You mean us getting married?''

''No, I mean you hurting yourself or even ending your life.''

''Oh…''

She was surprised he went there. She never dared to think of killing herself, but she knew that was one of the possible scenarios if thigs got too unbearable.

''I am not expert on the topic, but I've read about some people ending their lives because they were unhappy, depressed and not living as their authentic selves… I would rather have lesbian ex-girlfriend than dead girlfriend or a wife.''

''I am so sorry…''

''It's ok Josie… I promise I am ok…''

She calmed down a bit and he made her some tea.

''Any other bomb you have to drop on me?''

''Sort of…''

He took a deep breath…

''Ok. I am ready…''

She closed her eyes and just said the words she never believed she would.

''From the age of fourteen to sixteen I dated our therapist… Dr. Park was my first girlfriend.''

Peter was silent so Josie opened her eyes and saw his shocked face.

''Our hot therapist is your ex?''

''Yes…''

''Wow! How could you ever date me after someone that hot?!''

Josie started laughing so hard that it made Peter laugh too.

''No, I'm serious… ''

''Oh, Peter…''

Suddenly he turned serious…

''Was she always that hot?''

''Yes…''

Josie got up from the chair and went to her bag. Inside of it she found her wallet. She got out picture of two of them from the time they started dating. Penelope's hair was long she was in a lacy shirt and Josie was in her school sweater. Picture was taken inside of the photo booth and one of them was with Josie and Penelope looking at each other with some sexy intensity and the other was the picture where they were kissing.

''Wow! I have no words… Our therapist and you…Ha!''

''What?''

''Knowing what she does and knowing that you dated her… I just have so many inappropriate comments and questions.''

Josie rolled her eyes at that comment.

''I am sure you do… Like almost every men.''

''I admit… I am guilty of that particular way of thinking… And I am sure that your incredibly hot ex that charges A LOT by the hour would say she agrees with me.''

Josie smacked his arm.

''Shut up!''

''What? She would agree with me.''

He grew serious again…

''What happens now?''

''Well, now I go to my new apartment and try to grew a pair to talk to my family…''

''You already have an apartment?''

''Yes, since few hours ago…''

''Ok... So you came prepared to have this conversation?''

''In a way… I just wanted to have a backup if this backfires.''

Peter looked sad.

''I get it…''

She wrote down her new address.

''This is where I will be.''

She got up and went to the door.

''See you around.''

''Good luck Josie…''

''Thank you…''

He hugged her and she left his house. Drive to her new apartment flew by and when she finally got home she locked the door of her new apartment, opened a wine and took a seat on the sofa. For the first time in a very long time she felt like she was not living a lie anymore. And that feeling was new and frightening to her. Yes, her journey in the way just started and there were so many people around her that she had to sit down with and come out to, but for the first time she felt ready. She knew there was a conversation with her parents and Lizzie pending and she knew that would not be easy. She picked up her phone and called Penelope.

''Hey Jojo… How did it go?''

''Good…''

''I am glad.''

''Penny…''

''Yes?''

''Can you come?''

''Josie…''

''Please… I just can't be alone right now. I really need a friend.''

There was a moment of silence.

''Ok… I will be there soon.''


	7. Chapter 7

Josie woke up in her new bed next to sleeping Penelope…naked Penelope…in her bed…naked…when she was naked too… She was in the state of panic! That was turn of events she didn't expect. Last night, when Penelope came to her place she really needed someone to talk to and to encourage her to talk to her patents and end the circle of lies she lived in for years. They talked for a very long time and since they had a lot of Penelope's very fancy champagne, Josie offered Penelope to stay the night. Other woman was not thinking it was really good idea, but Josie insisted. She even teased Penelope that she is old enough to control herself in Penelope's presence and that Penelope thinks she is too sexy that no one can resist her. That got her a look from Penelope that could have meant _challenge accepted_ but since some moments are to foggy for Josie, she is not sure if that look was that or something else… Penelope's looks often left her confused and blushing… She was sure she blushed last night too. In the end Penelope was right… Yes, it was not a good idea… since there was a lot of flirting and touching happening. Amount of alcohol they consumed got them to a place where they confessed some things that were supposed to stay a secret for a reason. And as it usually happens when bottled feelings get out thanks to drinking, Josie and Penelope ended up having sex. She was not sure who kissed whom first… Who started the stripping part…But she did remember it feeling like nothing before. Josie was close to crying, but she managed somehow to control that urge.

Penelope didn't come to Josie's place with intent to have sex. She was dressed too casual and she didn't have her usual seductive comments and looks she gives when she wants sex. Josie didn't think it was possible for anything to happen between them ever again. She and Penelope are friends…were friends… before sex happened…. she had no idea what they were now. She had no idea what would happen when Penelope wakes up… She was confused and scared…Just like she was when they first dated. She turned to sneak a peek again at sleeping Penelope. _God, she was gorgeous…_ She was sleeping on her side, with her back turned to Josie. Her very long wavy hair was all over Josie's white sheets and her skin was also in contrast with too much white around her. White, bed, white walls, white sheets… Penelope was simply popping and was so captivating… Pretty much the only thing you would notice in that room… On that note, sex with Penelope was better than she remembered. She somehow got even better and that was something Josie couldn't imagine happening. She believed Penelope then was a dream come true lover, but this now… WOW! Her skin was covered in goosebumps just thinking of what happened last night. Josie got out of the bed and put on her sleeping shirt. She left the room and closed the door. She wanted Penelope to have some more time to sleep. She remembered Penelope being someone who loves to sleep so she let her do that. She tiptoed to the bathroom and took a shower. She noticed few love bights on her body and stupid smile was back on her face. She remembered Penelope loving to mark her from time to time… And she loved it too… She closed her eyes and remembered how she did it last night and that look in her eyes. To Josie, there was nothing sexier than Penelope with a predatory look in her eyes. She was never a jealous or possessive girlfriend when they were together. She never said a word to Josie about some boy or girl looking at her or flirting with her… She simply just looked at her that way in bed…like she was claiming her territory and marking it with love bights that were at the places no one could see, unless they see Josei naked or with very little clothes… Part of her felt smug that she still had the same effect on Penelope. She still wanted to mark her, to claim her, to make her hers… And that was also something unexpected to Josie. She realized she was still in love with Penelope and that this time she will not screw things up. This time she will fight for that relationship and if Penelope wants her, she will do all that is in her power to make it work. When she was done with her shower, Josie went to the kitchen to start coffee and make something to eat. She made them pancakes with chocolate chips and she even squeezed some oranges for the juice. Just as she was putting finishing touches to the food, Penelope emerged from the bedroom in Josie's robe. Her hair was down and she had that sleepy look in her eyes Josie also missed.

''Good morning Jojo… This smells amazing.''

''Good morning Penny…''

She put the coffee in front of Penelope and other woman smiled…

''Thanks.''

''You are welcome… I know you need your coffee to function…''

''Yes, that I do.''

She took a seat on the bar stool across from where Josie was standing. When Josie sat on her stool they were finally face to face. She noticed that Josie looked scared and avoided looking at her. She was looking at her pancakes and she was annoyingly cutting them into small pieces.

''Jojo, would you please look at me?''

It took Josie a moment to dare and lift her gaze to face Penelope.

''Are you ok Jojo?''

''Yes, I am ok…''

''Do you want to talk about what happened?''

''What should we talk about?''

''Sex…''

Josie lowered her gaze again and blushed. Penelope found it very cute.

''…that we had.''

Josie still couldn't look at her. Penelope put her hand over Josie's and laced their fingers.

''What does this mean now Penelope?''

''What do you want it to mean?''

''I asked you first…''

''Yes, you did… But you are also someone who is in a very scary situation.''

Josie felt a bit defensive.

''You are not that scary Penelope!''

She smiled at frowning Josie.

''But the fact that you slept with another woman is… Especially when that person and you have a history…''

Josie looked at her. Penelope's eyes and voice were soft and southing. She was in her therapist mode and Josie was not sure if she was grateful for it or very pissed about it. She didn't need Penelope shrinking her.

''What do you want me to say Penelope?''

''Whatever you want Jojo.''

''I missed you… Last night was something that happened after we were drunk…but it didn't feel like mistake or something I regret.''

''I don't regret it either.''

That got Josie to relax a bit.

''I was afraid you would say it can't happen again.''

Penelope looked at Josie and it looked like she was really thinking about what she would say next. She knew that Josie was in a very fragile state and she had to pick her words.

''That would be wise thing to say.''

''Why? You don't want to be with me?!''

Now Josie was defensive again.

''I do… I do want to be with you, but you are not ready…''

''Why? Because you are too good for me? I am not good enough for Penelope Park to date me?''

''No, because you have so much more to experience…''

''What?''

''If we jump back in dating…and being exclusive… We will implode very soon…''

Josie was getting ready to protest that comment but Penelope put her finger over Josie's mouth and continued talking.

''You've just come out to your ex-boyfriend. You still have some sort of training wheels…It's like coming back to the time after we broke up and continuing the journey from that point. You are still sixteen and heartbroken over the same girl Jojo… And you have to grow into your twenty something old self in that way too…''

Josie noticed that there were tears in Penelope's eyes. Like this conversation was hard for her too in a way.

'' There is so much more for you to experience and you have to do it by yourself… Not in a relationship with me. Now that you are coming out of your shell… There are few more drunken hookups with random girls you have to have, kissing complete strangers in a bar… Having friends to go with to the bars, clubs, parties… Have freedom to experience things…''

''But…''

''Josie, I know you… If we were to start a relationship that is exclusive, you would feel like shit in a month or two… You would feel guilty over wanting someone else or showing interest in them… And that guild would kill you… That is why I am telling you that you should experience things before…''

''Is it because of me and all you say I must experience…or is it that you are afraid Penelope?''

Penelope got of her stool and came to Josie. She turned Josie to face her and stood between her legs. She took Josie's face into her hands and looked her with an intensity that made Josie feel very turned on and scared at the same time.

''I was always afraid of you… No, that is a lie… I was always frightened of you Josette Saltzman… You scared the shit out of me from the moment I started looking at you in a different way… You could always shatter me Josie…And last time, it took me years to pick myself up… You were always my kryptonite…''

Josie couldn't believe what she was hearing. That was very powerful and unexpected confession from Penelope and she never imagined she had that much power over the other woman.

''Jojo, if…NO…WHEN we get back together… I want it to be for a long run… I want us to be equal partners and I don't want you to feel like you are giving up anyone or anything to be with me… I don't want to be passing station… I want to be your destination… I want to be a person you come to when you are really ready to settle and love without any constrictions… I want to love you in the open… I want to hold your hand in public. I want to kiss you when I feel like it… I want to be free to kiss you or hold you in front of your family. I want to be able to say that you are my partner, my person…someday even my wife to everyone…''

Josie still looked at Penelope with eyes wide opened and numb… Penelope gave her a peck on the lips and smiled… But that smile didn't really reach her eyes.

''And that look of dramatic chipmunk I see in your eyes is more than enough proof that you are not ready. Be honest… You can't imagine telling your parents that you are dating a woman, let alone getting married, starting a family or anything of that magnitude…''

''It's too soon to tell them something like that.''

''And that is why I am telling you that you must spread your wings and mess around before you come back to me.''

''So, you want me?''

''Of course I want you Jojo… I always will… But, in order for us to be together… You have to experience things… You have to grow into who you are supposed to be…in every way… You have to grow as a person, as a partner, as a lover… There are so many things I want you to feel and experience… because they are worth it… They are something that makes you into who you are… ''

Josie couldn't imagine being with someone else after being with Penelope last night.

''Baby, I know it's hard and I know that you feel like I am letting you go or not wanting you… But it's not true… I do want you… I want you so much…and that is why I am doing this… I experienced and lived things many people never live or experience… And now… I am ready to commit to only one person and love that person for a long time…without acting on some desires or small attractions… I am ready to be who I didn't get to be with Oliver… And you have to come to that moment when you know you've done what you wanted or were interested in…and now you are ready to commit to only one person…I know it's scary, but it will be ok.''

''Does this mean that we will not see each other at all?''

''Oh, no Jojo… I am still here if you need me…''

Josie looked sad and she was trying to prevent herself from crying.

''I'll always need you Penny…''

Penelope gave her another smile…

''Then I guess I'll always be there…''

Josie smiled back at Penelope. She put her arms around Penelope's waste and pulled her closer. They held each other for a moment in silence.

''Even If I date someone else or do things with someone else…as you insist… I want you to know it would not change my feelings… I love you Penelope…I've always did.''

''I know Jojo… I know…''

''And I hate the idea of being with someone else now that you are back in my life… It makes me feel…so many things I can't explain.''

''It's ok Jojo… It's normal...''

Josie was getting angry… She was crying out of anger and pain. She pushed Penelope away from her and started shouting.

''How can you let me be with other people if you love me?!''

''Because that is the way I am… I know that experiencing your freedom and what it really is, you will come back to me… so we could be free together…''

Penelope went back to Josei's room and got dressed. When she got out of the room, Josie stood by the window and didn't even want to look at her. Penelope knew she had to give her space and not force her to talk.. She needed to process this too. She walked to the door and opened it to leave. Before she got out she stopped and turned to Josie.

''I never lost hope… I never let go of the idea that someday, you and I would get our happy ending and live amazing life together… You were part of me when I was with my husband…When I was with other women, other men…other men and women… I carried you inside of me everywhere I went and I never lost hope that I would see you again and that we would make it work this time…''

Josie turned to face her, but didn't move…

''Jojo… Last night…It was amazing….and for me it felt like coming home… I want you to come to me on the day when you are ready to come home…when you see me as your home as well… No, I want you to come to me on the day you feel that I am your home…''

And with that Penelope left Josie's apartment and it broke Josie's heart again… But in all the pain she felt, this time she felt spark of hope that everything would work out somehow.


	8. Chapter 8

Five days passes since Josie last saw Penelope. They texted and talked on the phone every day, but Penelope insisted that they don't see each other. Josie was not the stalker type, so she respected the distance Penelope asked for, after all, that distance was because of her, because she had to test the new waters of life and finally come out to her parents. Caroline sent her message to come on Sunday with Peter to dinner. Seeing his name in the message, reminded Josie that she still haven't told her family that they were no together anymore and that she was gay. She just replied with simple Ok and that's whrere texting with Caroline ended. She put on some show and made something to eat. She was deep in the show when her phone rung. She answered it and was in for a surprise.

''Josie?''

''Yes….''

''Hey, this is Petra…From another night…''

It took Josie a moment to compose herself. She was nervous.

''Hey, how are you?''

''I am ok… And you?''

''I am ok too… Watching some TV and chilling at home.''

''I wanted to apologize for not calling right away.''

''It's ok.''

''I just had some family things to settle and didn't want to drag anyone into that madness..''

''Is everything ok?''

''Yes, it is now. My sister broke up with her forever boyfriend and it was so much DRAAAMAAA…''

''I get it. My sister is the same.''

''You have a sister?''

''Yes, a twin… We are fraternal twins and have nothing in common.''

''Well, Lesley is three years older than me, but we are the same like your sister and you. She is drama queen and I am the one that deals with her shit.''

''Tell me about it. Lizzie has never dealt with anything in her life without me being a major part of it.''

''Well, I wanted to know if you would have dinner with me on Friday or Saturday? I know amazing small Mexican place where we can bitch about our sisters some more.''

Josie blushed for a moment. Petra was asking her on a date… She had fun night with her and if she wanted to get Penelope sooner rather than later, she had to expose herself to new people and experiences.

''Sure, both days work for me.''

''How about Saturday then?''

''Sure, just text me the address and I will be there.''

''Ok… It's a date…''

They ended conversation and Josie spent few moments just thinking about it. She was going on a date…with a woman… A date that could possibly end in bed…again…with a woman…woman who is not Penelope. That is the moment when her smile disappeared. She understood what Penelope wanted from her and why, but it didn't mean that it was easy for her and that she was not sad about it. She picked up her phone and texted Penelope.

 **J: Penny, can we meet?**

 **P: Jojo…**

 **J: Please…. It's really important… I promise, I'll behave… We can meet for coffee somewhere in public…**

 **P: I have my last client at five… How is 6:15 at the restaurant close to my office? We can have dinner and talk about what is on your mind. Ok?**

 **J: The one with purple curtains you spoke about?**

 **P:Yes, that one… I'll make reservation for us.**

 **J: under what name? Park? Jordan?**

 **P: Jordan works better for the fancy places… ;)**

Josie rolled her eyes at the comment. She could imagine Penelope with a cocky smirk and glow she had about her when she was being pain in the ass intentionally.

 **J: See you there…**

 **P: See you Jojo…**

Josie was a bit nervous about seeing Penelope and telling her about the date and lunch she would have with her family. She had no idea how would Penelope react to the date and would she be able to tell her about it in the end. She hoped she wouldn't chicken out. She spent some more time in bed and then she got ready to meet Penelope. She took the train to the city and arrived a bit before the time they agreed on. She got in to the restaurant and came to the hostesses.

''How can I help you Ms.?''

''I am here for dinner. Reservation is under the name of Mrs. Jordan.''

She checked the list and gave Josie one of the fake smiles she gives to the VIP clients and their guests.

''Follow me please.''

She took Josie to the very nice and comfortable part of the restaurant that was a bit secluded. It didn't have many tables and it was nice and intimate. She and Penelope could really talk there and not be watched or disturbed. She took a seat at their table and the girl left. Soon she was joined by the waiter. She ordered sparkling water and said she will wait for her company for the food order. He just nodded and left. Penelope showed up few moments later and she looked amazing. She was in black suit, high heels and black lacy shirt under the jacket. Her hair was in a very tight pony and makeup was on point. One more thing that Josie noticed was a huge rock on her finger and matching wedding band. Penelope noticed where Josie was looking and smirked.

''Want to try it on?''

''Is that real?''

''It is… You can see it on my finger… it's not product of your imagination.''

Josie just lolled out at Penelope and took her hand.

''I meant if that is a real diamond?''

''Oh, yes… That is very real diamond… Actually, all the stones in the rings are diamonds.''

''That thing is huge.''

''I know.''

''Why are you wearing it?''

''I had some family things to do and I love getting on my sister in law's and his ex wife's last nerve. They both want my jewelry…Especially this ring.''

''I will not ask it's worth…''

Penelope winked…

''I wouldn't either.''

''Can I see it one more time?''

''Sure…''

She put her hand in front of Josie again and she just stared at it.

''You have to promise me something.''

''What?''

''One time when you come to dinner at my house and Lizzie is there, you will HAVE to have this monster on. She will die.''

''I will not lie to you that I am not interested in that… but why?''

''Because she shows her ring to everyone…all the time… It's very expensive, but it has nothing on yours.''

''Jojo, many rings have nothing on mine…even when we talk celebrity jewelry.''

''Ok, I don't want to know… But please show up with it.''

''Ok, I will…''

''Thank you Penny…''

Penelope ordered white wine and sea bass for herself and Josie took the same. Penelope had some of the wine and looked at Josie.

''So, where is the fire? Why did you call me?''

''I think I have a date on Saturday.''

''You think?''

''I have a date on Saturday… The girl I cheated on Peter with.''

''Oh, Ok… And how did that happen?''

''She called today and asked me on a date…''

''How do you feel about it?''

''I don't know…''

''Why?''

Penelope knew why, but she wanted Josie to say it.

''Because it's scary…''

''Ok…''

''And because she is not you.''

''Jojo…''

''I know, I know… I am trying Penelope… I am making a first step and I am getting myself out there… It's scary Penny…''

''I know Jojo… But it is important to get out there and live to the fullest.''

''There is one more thing…''

''Ok… What is it?''

''I am having lunch with my family this Sunday… I will tell them that Peter and I broke up and that I am gay.''

''Are you ready?''

''No, I am not. But I have to do it… It's time Penelope… I can't wait anymore…''

''I am proud of you for even thinking about it.''

''Wait until I do it.''

''It will be mess…''

''I am pretty sure it will be Jojo, but I also know that you are strong, smart and amazing person. You will survive your coming out… I am sure that they will eventually accept you. They might need some time, but you will be ok.''

''What if I chicken out?''

''You will not.''

''And how do you know Penelope?''

''Well… Coming out is worth it because you don't live in a lie anymore and don't lie to others anymore…''

Josie nodded. She knew that speech too well.

''But, I can make it even more worth…''

''And how is that?''

''Well…''

She took a sip of wine and gave Josie one of the naughtiest looks ever.

''I can take few days off…and we could spend them at the lake house…or at my place…''

Josie was a bit confused.

''…having a sober repeat of the night we spent together…''

''Really?''

''Yes, really…''

''But you said last time that we are not together and we have to wait. I am having a date with someone Penelope!''

''Jojo, us having sex doesn't mean that we are back together or that you have some obligation toward me… maybe we can keep it casual…and sometimes have a night or two to ourselves. I am just giving you extra motivation…''

She winked at Josie and she blushed.

''I don't understand you sometimes Penelope…''

''Well, that makes two of us…''

Josie continued eating and then put her fork down.

''You want to spend few days with me because you think I will fall apart….? You think that this lunch with the family will go horribly wrong and you want to be there so you can pick me up…like you promised all those years ago?''

Penelope was surprised that Josei was on to her so fast.

''That is the only reason you would go back on your word and what you asked of me… You want us to be alone somewhere and far from everyone so you can show me that I am loved and that you are there for me…That I am not alone in the pain and all that I would feel.''

Penelope was serous now.

''I just want you to be ok…and to know I am there to catch you if you fall..''

Josei took her hand.

''Thank you Penny…''

''You have nothing to thank me for Jojo… I am here for you… No matter what… And if they give you crap, just call me and I'll deal with them. I have few choice words for all of them kept inside for more than ten years baby…. And you know that they don't want to mess with me… Especially the creature that calls herself your sister.''

''Lizzie is…She is complicated.''

''No, she is an idiot… But I will not waste my breath on her… Just call and I'll bet here to get you.''

They finished their meal and shared desert before it was time for Penelope to leave. She had late dinner with lawyer and Josie teased her that it's her bootie call.

''Yes, he is about 100 years old.''

''I thought that was your thing?''

Penelope just smirked.

''Oliver was older than me… But he was hot… This one looks like walking dead body.''

''Grose… I don't want to imagine having sex with that.''

''Me neither…''

Penelope settled their bill, Josie complained a bit but knew it was a lost cause. She couldn't ever get to the check before Penelope. They got out of the restaurant and shared a hug.

''Thank you P.''

''Nothing to thank me for… I told you once, we are a team Saltzman…''

''We were sixteen.''

''I guess some things never change…''

With that Penelope left and Josei remained standing there and watching her leave with huge, stupid smile… Penelope was right in a way, some things never change…


	9. Chapter 9

Penelope's Saturday started way to early. Around seven in the morning her cellphone woke her up. It was her step son. He called her to tell her that they could finally take his father's remains. They agreed to meet at nine at Penelope's place and from there to coordinate what happens next. She took a shower and got dressed. She needed her coffee to function today. She had a feeling it would be a very long day.

Robert and his husband showed up and Penelope prepared coffee for them too. They took a seat in the living room and she picked up her cup.

''Ok, what do we do now?''

''Well, it's up to you. You are a widow and the one in charge.''

''Maybe, but he is your dad.''

''He was never much of a father and you know it.''

''I know you had your issues, but I really want this to be something we do together. I want you to make a decision about this too.''

''I think we should cremate the remains and take them to the farm. He loved that place, loved that house.''

Penelope smiled. Oliver really loved that place. They had properties at beautiful beaches, but that was not the place where he was most relaxed and happy. For him, that happy place was ranch in Montana where he had kettle, horses and big forest. He would go there to have some time to clear his mind and just enjoy the silence or hunt. Penelope would go there with him and spend hours wrapped in the blanket reading her books. Sometimes they would go during the summer and she would spend days riding horses and just enjoying untouched nature, Rocky Mountains and very specific sound of silence. She enjoyed listening to the wood cracking in the fireplace and the hot chocolate housekeeper used to make for her.

''I love the idea. Oliver really liked that place.''

''Good… I can call the agency to make all arrangements. Maybe we could be done with it all today…''

''I doubt it… Maybe next weekend we could go to the house and do all that?''

''Do you want to call my aunt and mom?''

''Do you want them there?''

''Honestly, no… I would prefer if we do it alone… Just three of us. Two of them would make some drama about it and the press would be there…so the entire idea of making it personal and intimate then would be ruined.''''

''Ok, then it would be you, me and Jake…''

''Thank you Penelope.''

''You are welcome.''

Robert went to the office and called the agency from there. Penelope and Jake made some breakfast and had some more coffee. Robert came back to the room just as two of them were setting the table.

''It's all arranged… They will pick up the remains and next weekend three of us are flying to Montana to spill the ashes over his estate.''

She spent the rest of the day with Robert and his husband preparing everything for the next weekend and after very long time, Robert and Penelope looked at pictures of Oliver. They laughed, they cried and they bonded even more over the memories they had of him.

Josie's day was crazy in its own way. She was nervous about the date and the fact that she wanted to come out to her parents and Lizzie. She was questioning her decision about both things and just as she came close to canceling the date or changing her mind about coming out, Penelope would pop back into her head with the smirk and suggestion they spend few days together. Josie really wanted to be with her. She really wanted to repeat the evening, but this time sober and knowing what they were doing. She missed the other woman very much and she felt like she needed her, just like she needed her all those years ago.

She spent hours thinking about what to wear and making sure she looks good. She took a shower and got ready for her date. She picked up a phone and called Penelope.

''You better not be calling to tell me you canceled on that girl!''

''No, we are going out. In two hours we are meeting in the restaurant.''

''Good… So, what will you be wearing?''

''That's why I am calling. I have no idea what to wear.''

''And you want my advice?''

''Yes, and I don't accept _NOTHING_ as an answer.''

Penelope smirked. She was about to tell that to Josie…As a matter of fact, she said that years ago.

''Ok, tell me where will you meet?''

''Mexican restaurant….''

''Ok… Is it some fancy place?''

''No, it's not… I googled it… It's just small cousy place…''

''Ok, so something a bit casual?''

''Yes, could be.''

''Ok… Do you have something like the red dress you had at school? You remember, the long one with V neck?''

Josie knew what dress Penelope talked about. She still had it, but now it was something she wore at home. A year ago she saw the dress that looked like hers and just got into the store and got it. Later she was regretting when the realization about the price caught up to her, but she didn't return it. She kept it in the back of the closet hoping she will have a chance to wear it.

''I do… I have dress that looks like it.''

''Good… That dress and some nice flats?''

''Sure… I think I could work with that and add some more details to make it more for the night.''

''Good…''

''And what about underwear?''

''What about it?''

''What should it be like? Do I go for lace and satin or something more casual?''

''Is it bootie call?''

''No, it's first date.''

''So, sex is not priority?''

''No, it's not.''

''Then something simple, but not too comfortable or casual could work.''

''I just have something like that…. It's black bra and panties… They are hot, but not too much… If it happens, she will not think I came to see her just for the sex or that I expected sex…''

Penelope smiled.

''Jojo, I am sure she will not think that you wanted to see her just for sex. When people meet for the sex, they usually skip dinner…And it's agreed to meet and each other's places, hotel or whatever you want… Dinner means she wants to get to know you... out of bed…''

''Ok…''

''Are you nervous?''

''Yes, I am…very….''

''It will be ok Jojo. You will have nice dinner, get to know the girl and have fun. Relax…''

''It's easier said than done.''

''Well, you ended up in bed with her.''

''We were drunk….''

''Get drunk again.''

''No! I don't want to have sex only when I am drunk… And she deserves more than to be a drunk hookup.''

''Fine, Jojo… I am just teasing.''

''Don't… You are making me even more nervous.''

''It will be ok…''

''I hope so…''

Penelope had to end the conversation because Roger came to get her. They were leaving and he just wanted to say hi.

''Josie, I have to go now. I will talk to you tomorrow. Relax and have fun…''

''Talk to you later P.''

Penelope was about to hung up when Josie spoke again,

''Can I text you?''

''Sure… have fun…''

''Thanks.''

Penelope ended the conversation and noticed her step son at the door with a smirk.

''Is that a client?''

''No, a friend.''

''Oh, a friend… Does my evil step mother have some naughty plan for tonight?''

She narrowed her eyes at him.

''No…And it's none of your business...''

''Dad is dead, you are allowed to have a playmate… You had when he was alive…''

Penelope was not very comfortable talking about it with her husband's son.

''Robert…''

''I know that you had an arrangement… My dad and fidelity never could stand together in the same sentence. He was not born to be husband and father in a traditional sense… He loved his freedom too much to be tied to only one person… I am surprised it took him that long to leave mom.''

''He was special…''

''He was a mean man.''

''He had his demons… We all do.''

''I know… I am leaving Dr. Park before you start analyzing me.''

She smirked at him.

''That will cost you kiddo… I don't work my magic for free.''

''Not even for the family?''

''Are you kidding me?! Family I've got is the reason I charge double to everyone I am related to.''

He laughed at that comment and hugged her.

''See you…''

Robert and his husband left and Penelope was finally alone. She took a shower, got ready for the bed and picked the book to read. She really wanted to get into bed and relax. She needed some alone time after the news she got and after knowing Josie is on a date. She knew it was her fault and that she was the one who told Josie that she needs to date other people and get out of her shell, but she still felt ping of jealousy every time the pictured Josie with someone else.

In the different part of the city, Josie was walking into a restaurant for her first date. She was very nervous and had no idea how would this night turn out. She had no idea if she would really like Petra enough to give it a try, but at the same time she wanted to try. She had to try in order to feel better and more comfortable with who she was. Now, that she finally decided to live her life out of the shadows and lies, she had to let herself go and just navigate new world and reality. Petra was already there, sitting at the table in the corner. Table looked nice, secluded and as place they could talk without feeling watched. When Josie approached the table, she was really taken by Petra. She was very drunk that night when they hooked up and in the morning she just wanted to escape, so she didn't really have a good look on the other woman. Petra's hair was up and her blue eyes looked very piercing with the makeup she did. Josie couldn't stop looking at them. At first, conversation was a bit awkward and she wished to be somewhere else, but as time passed, they found their way. Josie got a bit more relaxed after a glass of wine and she actually wanted to get to know Petra. Talking to her, she learned that two of them had a lot of thing in common. They had pain in the ass, attention seeking sisters, they loved to read, they both loved hiking. Petra worked as graphic designer and was currently working on the big ad for a very famous clothing like she couldn't name because of her contract. She just hinted to Josie that in the late summer, early fall the ads would be all over the city and people would go wild. Josei liked the confidence she had.

After they were done talking about their families, they wondered into slippery theritory of their dating histories and ex people in their lives. Josei mentioned that she just got out of the relationship with a man and she noticed how Petra's behavior suddenly shifted.

''You are bi?''

''No, I am a lesbian, but it took me a lot to admit it.''

''Oh… So, you've only dated men?''

''Not really… I was with girls too, but it was never serious. I never let it move past few sectet meetings and sex.''

''Why?''

''I was afraid to come out to my parents.''

''And how did they react when you told them?''

''I still haven't.''

''Oh…''

''I am having lunch with them tomorrow and I will tell them.''

''What got you to finally come out?''

Josie was silent for a moment. She couldn't say to her date that she is doing it because of other woman… so she had to think of good answer that would be true, but not include Penelope.

''I've dated men out of fear of my family rejecting me. I was dating an amazing person until recently and I realized I had to tell the truth before I screw up my life and his life. He wanted to ask me to marry him. He went to see his mom and to ask for her ring…And that was the moment when I was at the crossroad…in a way. I would say yes to him and we would have been miserable or I would tell the truth and try to live my life as authentic as possible.''

''Hm… So, it was serious if the ring was involved.''

''It was…And he is an amazing person. When I came out to him…he was so supportive and nice. I think we could even be friends after the dust settles. I would love to have him as a friend.''

''That is nice. Not many people stay friends with an ex.''

''I guess it's true, but we managed.''

''So, aside from me… Were you ever with another woman?''

''Yes, I was… There were few girls before I buried myself in shame for liking them.''

''Ok…''

They talked about traveling, things they wanted to do, see and Josie really had fun. She was finally relaxed and not thinking about every word she says in some fear of saying the wrong thing. They vaguely touched the topic of ex partners and relationships, but Josie kept it very vague. Petra told her that she ended her six year relationship two months ago, after she learned that her ex was having a thing with her boss. She didn't want to stay in the relationship where she was cheated on and she choose to leave and continue her journey without Tracy. Petra also told Josie that it took her some time to pick up herself and find energy and reason to live. Josie knew the feeling. Many things Petra said about her ex, she could relate to something _Penelope._ After dinner they went for a walk. Petra took her hand and Josie froze for a moment.

''I am sorry if I went too far and assumed.''

''No, it's ok… It's just… I am not used to this…It will take a moment to be ok to hold hands with a woman in public and show affection. I simply programmed myself to forget about it being an option. I am sorry if I made you feel like I didn't want you to take my hand.''

Petra gave her a smile.

''It's ok Josie… I can do slow and I can have understanding for the moment you are in. It happens to all of us at some point. Concurring your freedoms is never easy.''

''I guess… But I sort of like it.''

''What?''

''Holding hands with a girl and seeing that people simply don't care.''

Petra smiled and pulled Josie into a kiss. It was just a peck, but for Josie it was huge. She broke the kiss and started looking around in panic. She was surprised that no one was looking or making any comment about what just happened. Petra noticed how lost Josie looked and she tried to calm her.

''Are you ok?''

''I don't know…I've never done something like that.''

''Well, now you have…''

''And no one cared?''

''And no one cared…''

Josie stopped and started laughing. Petra just looked at her a bit lost. She had no idea what was going on in Josie's head.

''I've been missing so much out of fear… I've missed years and years of this feeling of freedom.''

''Just wait until you come out. That is the freedom Jo…''

''I can't wait for that to happen. After I come out to my family, I am finally free…''

''And what about your friends?''

''Well, some of them saw us leave the club together…And I think it's easier to come out to friends than family… When it comes to friends, you deep down expect them to leave at some point. You don't expect your family to turn their back on you.''

''You are a very dark person deep inside… Why do you think friends leave?''

''Because they do… Even lovers leave and don't want you for some ridiculous reasons.''

''Then you were not with the right people…''

Josie mumbled next thing and hoped that Petra didn't hear her.

''Or I didn't give them the place in my life they deserved?''

Petra was a bit surprised by this. She had a feeling Josie didn't really tell the entire story of the ex, or didn't speak about THE EX that tends to be the elephant in the room for many couples or people starting something.

''I sense there is something more to that sentence.''

Josie didn't know what to say. She didn't want to lie and she also didn't want to talk about Penelope, so she tried to give some in-between answer.

''I was in love with someone and that person loved me back… But I was so deep in the closet that some of my actions hurt her so much. I never really gave us a chance to be a couple out of the dorm where most of our relationship took place. Part of me wished to tell everyone that I love her and that she is mine and I am hers…. But I was so scared that I even avoided being seen with her for most of our relationship. I wish I could go back in time and find a way to make it better for both of us… She deserved much more than I gave her and I will always feel bad for that time we spent together hiding.''

Petra got an answer from Josie that gave her impression that whatever she felt for that other person is based on guilt and that she is not the one that got away. She felt a bit relieved. She had no competition for Josie's affection.

''Why were you so scared?''

''I was afraid that perfect picture my family constructed would shatter and that I wouldn't know how to act around them… I didn't want to disappoint them…. So many things were on my mind.''

Petra understood.

''And how do you feel about tomorrow?''

''A bit sick...nervous… Like I want to start throwing up now how nervous I am.''

''I understand…''

''Do you have some advice for me?''

''Not really… Everyone does it their way. I texted my parents when I was thirteen… At first they didn't take it seriously, but after some time they realized I really liked girls, one girl in particular, and they accepted it and supported me. When I asked Tracy to marry me, they were happy for us… My dad actually cried…and he never cries…''

''That sounds amazing.''

''It is… And I am sure that you and your family will come to that place at some point and they will be glad for you.''

''I hope so too.''

Petra drove Josie home and walked her to the door. She kissed her good night and Josie felt good about the kiss and the date.

''Do you want to do this again?''

''Sure…''

She remembered Penelope's offer and she felt a bit guilty for having a good night with Petra and also guilty for wanting to go with Penelope. Petra was nice, she actually liked her…but Penelope was…Penelope… everything she'd ever really wanted and now she had a chance to have a moment with her and she was not missing it. She had to make some excuse to Petra why they can't see each other soon.

''I might go out of town with some friends… We talked about it for some time now, but it's not 100 % sure… I will let you know if I'm leaving. But after I come back…we can hang out again.''

''Sure Jo…. Call me and text if you leave… Don't be a stranger. Have fun at your trip.''

''Ok… Thanks…''

When she got into her apartment, she picked up her phone and texted Petra.

J: I had so much fun tonight. Thank you for an amazing date and showing me new place with amazing food.

P: I had fun tonight too… I hope we could continue having fun when you come back from your trip…

J: Me too…

P: Good luck with your family Jo…

J: Thank you Petra… I will need it…a lot…

P: Just try to somehow get rid of negative scenarios… It will be fine.

J: Hope so.

In the middle of their texting Josie got another message. It was from Lizzie. She opened it and her stomach dropped. There was a picture of her and Petra kissing in the street.

L: WHAT THE FUCK JO?! WHO IS THAT CHICK YOU WERE KISSING IN THE STREET?! MOM AND DAD FREAKED… DID YOU CHEAT ON PETER? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?! You have some serious explaining to do.''

Josie looked at her phone and couldn't believe what she was seeing.

 _Well, shit!_


	10. Chapter 10

Josie didn't respond to Lizzie's message at first. She paced the house a bit nervous and then she picked up her phone and called Penelope. Penelope answered right away.

''Jo?''

''They know!"

''What ? Who?''

''My family… Mom and dad saw me kissing Petra in the street.''

That made it clearer to Penelope and she felt very unpleasant pang in her stomach.

''Did they call?''

''Lizzie texted…and called million times.''

''And what did you say?''

''Nothing, I am ignoring them.''

''You should call Lizzie and talk to her… It would be easier…it's not news to her… She knew about us…so her seeing you with a girl…''

''But she has no idea I kept seeing girls. She thinks it was just….''

''A phase Jojo?''

''YES!''

Penelope's bitterness rose with every moment more.

''Call her and talk to her before tomorrow. Maybe she would be your support if you tell her that it's not a phase and come out to her.''

''I can't.''

''Yes, you can Jojo. You have to, for your own good. Hiding and pretending could only cause more trouble. I just want you to be comfortable in your own skin and that's not going to happen as long as you live in some sort of lie.''

Josie took a deep breath and let it out… She needed to calm down before she even dares to call Lizzie.

''I know. You are right…''

''I have to go now Jojo… I have a crazy day ahead of me tomorrow. I'll call you for our trip.''

''You still want to go?''

''Yes… I do want to go… Why?''

''I don't know… I was sure you would need some space to… I don't know… Just to be alone and with your thoughts and impressions of the situation.''

''Jojo, he is gone for eight months now…And I accepted his death… I still miss him and have feelings about him and his passing…. But I am sure about this with you too…''

''Ok… I will think of you tomorrow.''

''No, think of yourself. You need all the focus on yourself and what comes next. We both know it would not be walk in the park tomorrow during your family gathering. And we both know that some very painful truths will come out…So, that is why I need you to focus on yourself and what you really want your family to know. It's not just about kissing a girl Jojo… It's about hiding huge part of yourself out of fear what your family might think and because Lizzie assured you that they would never accept having a gay daughter.''

''You are right… Go to sleep and I'll call you after I am done with my parents.''

''Ok… Do you want me to pick you up?''

''Yes, but I will go by my car, so there is no point. I will come to your place after I am done with my parents and then we can go where you wanted us to.''

''Ok. See you tomorrow.''

''Penny…''

''Yes?''

''I love you.''

Penelope smiled.

''I love you too Jojo…''

''See you tomorrow…and good luck to you too.''

Josie just sat in silence for a moment and played back Penelope's words. She poured herself a shot and picked her phone up. After some liquid courage, she was ready to take charge of her life. She dialed Lizzie's number and her sister answered.

''About time Josie… Now, can you tell me what the fuck is happening?! What mom and dad saw in the street?! Please tell me it was not you.''

''It was me… I was on a date with a very interesting woman.''

''What? What about Peter?''

''We broke up.''

''What? When?''

''Few days ago…''

''Who is that woman?''

''Her name is Petra and I met her when I went out with my friends from work.''

''And what about Satan? I was sure she would try to weasel herself in your life once you two saw each other again…''

''We are not together Lizzie.''

''I see that now…''

There was uncomfortable moment of silence.

''I can't believe we are back to this Jo! I was sure that phase ended in high school when Satan left.''

''No, it didn't… I kept seeing women…''

''WOMEN? As in multiple?''

''Yes, Lizzie… During my college years I dated some women.''

''And you never told me?''

''Do you blame me? Don't you hear yourself?''

''Why can't you date a man and be normal?''

''I am normal Lizzie, I just happen to be gay.''

''GAY?! Wow! How did that happen?''

''I slept with Penelope all those years ago and the rest is history.''

''But you dated men?''

''Just to please mom, dad and you. I was not ready to come out.''

''And what changed?''

''I realized that Peter wanted to propose and I was pretty sure he deserves more than a woman who tolerates him. He deserves to be loved.''

''What about us Josie? Do you think about anyone else but yourself? How will this affect all of us? Mom and dad are going to flip.''

''Lizzie, I've been thinking of everyone else and spent years being miserable… Now it's my turn to think about myself and what I want.''

''You can't be serious?! You are going to keep seeing that woman?''

''Yes, I am… And after her I will be seeing someone else and maybe even Penelope in the end… ''

''I knew it's about her.''

''No, it's about me… I wasted years on relationships that were pointless… hoping I would find her again and fix things.''

''And how is that going?''

''Not as I expected. Penelope needs time and now it's my turn to wait for her.''

''And date other people.''

''She is ok with it.''

''Of course she is… She always loved to slut things up.''

''No, she didn't… Those stories about her were pure lies and gossip. I asked.''

''Of course she would lie.''

''Why would she? It happened lifetime ago Lizzie… Her answer wouldn't change things…. We are not together anymore…It has been years since we were together. At the time things were happening, telling lies would make sense, not decade later. Now any answer wouldn't change a thing. A lot has happened in our lives and we can be honest and put all the vanity and anger aside… And believe me, there are both anger and vanity within both of us, but we choose to be honest and some things were finally explained and resolved.''

''Fine! Whatever!''

Josie didn't say anything to that. Lizzie changed the subject right away.

''So, you are still coming to dinner tomorrow?''

''Yes, I am… I am going to show up at their house and I will answer all the questions they might have.''

''I can assure you it's not going to be walk in the park. You have so much explaining to do.''

''I know Lizzie.''

''No, you don't… This will affect our family.''

''Of course it will… It's a big secret I have to share with them and explain why they had no idea about who I really am and why I spent most of my life hiding… ''

''This will be embarrassment for mom and dad.''

''Lizzie, no one really cares…''

''Of course they care. Now I can't introduce you to anyone at my husband's dinners and everyone will know that I have a gay sister.''

''Is that really bothering you that much?''

''YES! It's wrong Josie…''

''Why is it wrong?''

''Because it simply is…It's unnatural…and I will have to cut ties with you. My husband's family is not really that opened toward…modern things.''

Josie just rolled her eyes at that comment.

''I am sorry that your very conservative in-laws would have issue with my sexuality.''

''You know that Robert might be interested in running for office. What do you think it would look like if anyone learns about his sister in law being…gay?''

''Lizzie, can we talk about this tomorrow? I am a bit tired.''

''Fine, I'll see you tomorrow. Mom said five o clock.''

''I'll be there.''

Josie ended the conversation with Lizzie and went to bed. She couldn't sleep and all she wanted was to call Penelope and somehow get her to come or let her come to her. She really needed her, but she was also aware that Penelope had difficult day ahead of her. They were finally putting Oliver's remains into the family crypt and she had to mentally prepare herself for the day with the family that hated her and saw her as a gold digger. She felt bad for both of them and personal hell ahead of them during this Sunday. She got out of the bed and packed her bag. Penelope promised her escape and she was now looking forward to it. She was sure that after confronting her family and telling her truth, she would need to escape to put herself together.

Penelope spent most of the night tossing and turning. Her mind was playing a movie of amazing moments she and Oliver shared together and somehow all the bad things they had in their relationship suddenly didn't feel that important anymore. She was aware of them, but she choose to remember good times and positive things about them. On some level, she loved him deeply and he loved her too. It took her some time to accept they would never be ''normal'' and that she actually didn't want that from him. She would never deny that Oliver Jordan made her the woman she is today. Being his wife and partner in life made her stronger, made her independent and made her sure she could survive anything. On many levels, she was grateful to him. He helped her become more than anyone believed she would. He helped her with school, with practice and helped her do what she deeply loved. He was proud of her and her achievements, even when he didn't sound like that. It was hard for him to accept that his wife is not dependent of him and she was in the marriage for other reasons than money. He got too used to people being close to him for his money and power that he often didn't really understand Penelope's love for him. She was sure that many people around them didn't understand their relationship either. She was young, beautiful and poor so in the eyes of many, she was a gold digger.

She got out of her bed and went to his bedroom. She didn't even turn the light on, she just took a seat on his bed and took his ring from the night stand. She put it on her finger, under her rings and for a moment she just looked at her hand where their rings were together. She felt like that was one of the last gestures she could have as a wife. She loved Josie. She was still in love with her…but Oliver was something different. Her feelings for him were still there and very real to her. Now, knowing there are some remains, solid evidence that he is dead, she felt like part of her was gone with him. She was alone again. This time her situation was different. She was not poor student anymore who had to work insane shifts to survive. Now she was alone in a golden cage surrounded by millions of dollars in art, real-estate, jewelry and clothes. Gold digger, black widow, Oliver's underage whore… and many more things she was called before in her life. At some moment she stopped caring about the labels people put on her. Only thing she made sure everyone knew was that she was of age when they met and that Oliver was not what many called him behind his back. To her, Oliver was partner, teacher and someone who loved her like she needed to be loved at that moment. He gave her the free love many dream about and she was grateful to him for everything he did and gave her. She got off his bed and went to his bathroom. She picked up his robe and got on the bed with it. She put it on the pillow beside her and nuzzled into it. She fell asleep like that at three in the morning after crying for most of the night. She had no idea what life would bring now, but she knew she would miss him like hell. Those eight months without any news were hard, but she felt like knowing he is dead was harder. During those months she had some hope, now all the hope was shattered.


End file.
